Strike Two

If you remember from a previous post. Bob told me I have three strikes and then he won't call me anymore. I received my second strike the day after Christmas in the form of a text message which I failed to respond to. Is it better just to be the grown up and tell him I'm not interested?

I'm a chicken and guess that I'm not ready to just say the words out loud. I wonder how long he will wait before contacting me again?

Shirley

Christmas Update

Christmas Eve didn't happen quite as it was supposed to. Henry wasn't able to come, he offered to come Christmas morning, but I thought that might not be a great idea. I knew Christmas morning would be chaotic, which is was.

Instead we made plans for Saturday. I offered to cook him dinner. Thankfully, the dinner went really well. Mostly. You know if I am involved somehow something is going to happen. Henry came bearing gifts. He gave me some really fun presents which were really thoughtful. I have to say that as far as presents go from guys he really did a great job.

The dinner was good, I made him help with the appetizer. We made won tons. When he went to eat the first one, it may have been filled with super hot grease and he may have gotten burned. So sad. I don't know why, but I couldn't think of anything funny, helpful or otherwise conversational to say to him after he burned himself. I just kind of stood there. He said that he was fine. I felt horrible. I apologized and we moved on. Ugh! Why can't I think of things to say. Here let me help you or can I help you. How about watch out for that first bite it's hot. Anything. Even now those are sad attempts.

Luckily for me the rest of the dinner was yummy and went off without anyone getting burned. While I was fixing the rest of dinner, Henry sat down at my piano and played. He asked if I had any song requests. One of the amazing things about Henry is every song I requested from Debbie Gibson, Milli Vanilli, The Cure, Coldplay and The Beatles he can play. He said that he plays by ear. I so envy that talent. It was fun - he's like your own personal jukebox.

After we had finished dinner, Henry received a call from his older Brother. Let's call this brother Matthew (it's getting hard keeping track of all the pseudonyms we have created for people) he has 4 brothers so they will be Matthew, Mark, Luke and John. That way it's easy for me to remember. Matthew was calling because he had tickets to a basketball game and wanted to know if Henry and I wanted to join him and their dad. Henry asked if I was okay with that. He then said that I would probably get an earful about him. I said I was okay - was he?

Henry thought it would be a good idea and a bad idea. The bad idea because he knew his family would quickly be wanting to jump to the marriage topic and good because it would stop his dad from trying to set him up on blind dates.

At the game his dad asked how Henry and I met. I explained we have mutual friends. He said how does that result in meeting? Henry said that several of our mutual friends had told Henry to give me call. They said that I was smart and beautiful and he should get to know me. Thank you kind friends! His dad said Oh, is that how it's done? Yes, dad it is Henry replied. I was then asked what do you do? I explained that I take care of my kids. His dad was super nice about it and said Henry's mom knew all about that. His brother Matthew and I talked about Japan (he lived there and my brief visit.) Meeting his family was fine, it wasn't scary, I was kind of nervous. I think that if I walk in with the mindset that it's like having a business lunch things go much smoother.

During the game, I had to use the bathroom and when I left (according to Henry, who told me later that night) knowing looks were exchanged. His dad and brother gave me the thumbs up approval and Matthew asked Henry if I was "the one". Now when Henry was telling me this I didn't know what to make of it and for some reason I didn't do a great job following up. Why didn't I ask how Henry responded when his family was asking this? I don't know. I wish I had. Probably part of it was fear and part of it was I was freezing standing outside my house. Also, I completely forgot to say thank you again for the awesome Christmas presents.

Let's move to Sunday night. Henry invited me to join him at his friend's house for games and merriment. While there Henry asked me if I knew what ATP stood for - which oddly enough I actually remembered from college. Henry then told me that if his dad knew that I knew what ATP was he would have bought a ring and proposed to me on Henry's behalf. What do these comments mean? Anything or nothing. It was pointed out to me that he could just be making conversation and can joke about these topics or the question was asked is he trying to gauge my reaction? Not really sure. Game night was fun, I like his friends.

Overall, I enjoyed meeting his family, I like his friends and I like Henry. If you were wondering, we haven't kissed, held hands and we barely touch each other. Which is frustrating, good and confusing. I don't know quite what to make of that.

Side note: Kurt gave me some advice today on how to get Henry to kiss me though. He said it's all about the hug. He showed me while we were out running. He made me practice with him (NO - not the kissing part) just the hugging. I kept laughing because I know that I will never be able to actually do this with Henry. It's kind of like my friend's advice on the lingering. It's about arm placement (around their waist), pausing, look him in the eye (just for a few seconds so as not to make them uncomfortable) and I quote "if he's not stupid he will get the point". What is the point - well, you have just given him the green light to move in for a kiss. I guess I could go the less obvious route and just dangle mistletoe. Hahaha! Either way - I have a feeling that 2009 is going to end without a kiss from Henry.

Check back just in case.

Shirley

The Nutcracker

Tonight I went to the Nutcracker with Henry. The ballet was awesome, Henry stayed awake and he wore something other than a pair of khaki cargos and black shirt. He actually did look good and I should have complimented him, but feel uncomfortable saying he looks nice. When I do things like that I think it comes out sarcastically or really awkwardly. I need to practice.

What I didn't realize was BYU was playing in their bowl game tonight. Apparently he is a fan and he totally missed it to go to the Nutcracker. He did check the score (via the iphone) during the intermission.

We planned on going to dinner after the ballet. The restaurant was right across the street, it was snowy, my shoes didn't have a lot of traction (do you see where I am going?). We were making our way across the street, I was slipping and sliding all over the place. Good thing I was holding onto Henry. There was a few close calls, but luckily he kept me up. I made a comment about being clumsy referring to the other night and the falling off of the stage. He said that I was sliding very gracefully. Which may or may not have been true.

During dinner we had a great conversation about my life and how it has changed and about our Mom's both having died. He prefaced the conversation by saying, I have a question for you, but you don't have to answer if you don't want to. He then asked me what I think I have learned. We talked quite a bit. It was pointed out that our lives aren't what you would call "typical" or "normal". Why? If I had a typical life I would still be married and he would be married with his 2.5 kids and a dog. We both agreed - thank goodness for being different.

Overall, it was a great night. I loved the ballet, the company and the conversation was exactly what I needed to feel better about this strange "dating" that we are doing. One last thing of note. I did get Henry a funny Christmas present, which he loved, he said that he had something for me, but wanted to come over on Christmas Eve to give it to me. Can I say that I am totally looking forward to Christmas Eve.

Be sure to check back.

Shirley

FaceBook Emails

I'm not sure why I always get the interesting emails on FB from random people. This one isn't necessarily bad (at least he didn't mention me rescuing him), but it is definitely not the way I want to meet people. Am I wrong? For some reason I just don't trust getting to know someone online if I don't have opportunity to also meet them in person (i.e. Bob). You can say anything you want regardless of the truth. He does look fairly normal in his pic, but again - I don't trust it. Besides, where would we meet for dinner...Chicago?

"Hi Laverne. I am Jim, I am just looking around FB @ LDS people. I am a HP in the Toronto ON Stake, 14 years in the church, single dad, active with a recommend. I make the Gospel an important part of my life. Looking for new friends in other places. Feel free to chat with me if you like, otherwise, it was nice meeting you, and I hope the spirit of Christmas is with you this season. :D."

Laverne

Progressive Emails

Like many of you, I've just been enjoying Shirley's crazy adventures with Henry these past couple of weeks and have forgotten to jump in with updates. Also, because there hasn't been anything too pivotal in recent happenings, I wasn't quite sure what to throw out. Chuck is still Chuck, and I am enjoying getting to know him as we hang out. I may do a post on my current thoughts with him and go into a little more detail - but let's just say I keep hopping the fence on this one.

Also during these past couple of weeks I've been emailing Bob and getting to know more about him. The conversation has been very light, a bit repetitive, but fun. At least he has a better sense of humor than Scott in this arena.

Bob has been busy during this time because of a play he was performing in. This is why he was unable to join our dinner group for December as originally planned. However, he emailed today to say that his winter break started (he's a teacher) and now that the play is over we should "hit a movie, go see some lights, or something."

I'll let you know if that "something" happens.

Laverne

Christmas Concert Fall

Tonight was the Christmas concert with Henry. The concert was fun and festive. Before it began we were back stage (Henry performed as well), he was doing a sound check and I was waiting for him. I needed to go meet a friend of mine and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to jump off the stage. This isn't going to end well right? The other alternative was to walk along the front of the stage to the other side and go down the stairs. I obviously gave myself more credit than I deserve for being graceful. I went to jump down and my heel got caught in something and I almost (thank goodness) almost landed on my face. Somehow, my cat like reflexes kicked in and I saved myself and landed on my feet (very awkwardly). Did I mention that all the performers of the night were on the stage at the time, watching me and my horribly clumsy moment? Does anyone else feel embarrassed or is it just me? Are you one of those people who avert their eyes when someone is getting embarrassed. I am. I want to look away right now! I really wanted the floor to open up and just swallow me. Henry asked if I was okay. There were several jokes made and I said that's why my mom put me in dancing. Just call me Grace.

I quickly made my exit, shaking my head as I went. Outside I found a girl I had met back in May that knows Henry. I saw her on my date on Tuesday night with Henry and she and I were talking she said by the way - you are dating Henry. What? Apparently she asked him if he and I were dating. He said yes, that he was taking it slow because I am recently divorced, etc. Take home message - we are taking it slow and we are dating.

Great - so now what? Nutcracker on Tuesday. Check back to follow all my awesome moments of awkwardness!

Shirley

I Can't Catch a Break!

Today while shopping for a last minute Christmas item, I ran into a guy that I went to high school with. At first I wasn't sure if it was him. Laverne went to a dance with him and I thought it was him, but had to do a double take. We talked for a few minutes and said the nice things that you do when you run into a high school acquaintance. I left and got into my car to leave. As I was backing out and looking in the rear view mirror I noticed something on my chest right above where my shirt hit. I looked down and guess what?

Huge blob of melted chocolate. I swear to you I haven't eaten any chocolate today. I have no idea where it came from, but it looked like a drop of poop! Great. Way to make an impression. Awesome job! Sigh, I am just so, so sad.

Shirley

Amendment from Last Night's Awkwardness...I Forgot. There's More!

Sweet. I forgot something else. Since I enjoying showing everyone just how completely dorky I am I thought I better amend my last post. During the concert Henry leaned over and said, "I forgot to tell you. You look great tonight." Awww. I love that. It's always nice to hear a compliment. So...how do I respond. I mock him. Yes. I know. Totally rude. Completely unnecessary, but there it is. That's what I did.

I leaned over to him and said nice socks (dripping with sarcasm). Why? I do have a good reason. Henry always looks good, but he is totally a guy, with guy taste. He had on athletic sports ankle socks with khakis and dark shoes. The comment was needed and one could say even warranted. However, it may be a little early in the relationship for criticism. Especially since he is always so complimentary towards me. Thoughts?

Also, today I received a phone call from a very good friend (who I still consider my friend, even after this phone call). She sent Henry an email. Yes. I know. What was she thinking. What did she say? Something like this. I think she thanked him because she likes seeing me this happy and that I am enjoying getting to know him. Kind of embarrassing. Actually no, I take that back - it's totally embarrassing. He did respond. Which I am surprised about. He actually responded faster to her than he has to me - hmmm? His email said that I am amazing and he is having a blast getting to know me as well. I think he also mentioned that he is taking it slowly with me. Can we nick name him the turtle? Although as my friend mentioned - slow and steady wins the race. I think she joked about sending that back to him, which, if she does I will do bodily harm to her!

My best comment from my friend - hey he said you were amazing and he's not afraid to tell your friends. I guess she does have a point. Dear friend - you get to live to see another day. No need to respond to his email. However, if you feel you need to, please, please promise me that you will at least tell me what you said. I have to know what I'm in for as far as my next encounter with Henry.

I think this is all I forgot to mention.

Shirley

Can I Be More Awkward?

As you may have noticed, I have a knack for saying really awkward and/or embarrassing things while on a date. If you like that kind of thing, read on. I had dinner with Henry and some of his friends tonight. The food was great - his friends are fun and I really had a good time. I really liked his friend's wife. She was great and we got along really well.

I may have mentioned that Henry has a little (well, maybe big) germ phobia. The first couple of dates we went on he showed up with hand sanitizer. Which he applied liberally before and after eating. I think it's funny. I like to tease him about it. He offered to share part of his salad with me tonight and I asked if he was sure about that. He said yes. His friend asked what that was all about? Henry explained that he has issues with germs. Part of that is he doesn't share drinks. The friend said - what about kissing that's like sharing a drink. I responded "that's why we haven't kissed."

Well...lucky for me everyone stopped talking and it felt like the entire restaurant went quiet. Sweet. I can't believe that I said that. It was so uncomfortable for me. I meant it to be funny, but I think no one knew how to respond including Henry. He kind of laughed it off, but his friend just looked shocked. Great! Everyone did recover and the subject was quickly changed.

I am laughing at myself right now as I write this. I am super cool, right? I can't believe how things just come out of my mouth. Why must I embarrass myself? Later that night I ran into a girl that knew that I was hoping to get Henry to ask me out. That's a story for another day (won't go into the details now). She said are you dating Henry. Long pause on my part. Still not sure how to respond to this question. We do go out on dates, but I don't know if we are dating. She gave me the full two thumbs up and was so excited for me. It was cute, but again I felt my face turning red. Nice. I love that feature. Red face, open mouth insert foot, no lingering at the car.

In spite of all that great awkwardness we do have plans for next week (Tuesday) and possibly this Friday or Saturday. I have to check my schedule to see what works for me. Come back to see what other fun things I have said or done. You won't be disappointed!

Shirley

Hanging with Henry

I keep asking myself what's up the the weekday dates. Am I not worthy of a weekend date? This particular date was full of illicit appearing activities. Wow! Now it just got interesting right? Let me start at the beginning...

We met in a parking lot (totally romantic, I know!). I actually needed to get something in the store so I ran in thinking that I had a few extra minutes. I first needed to use the bathroom. As I came out and was heading for the toy section, ran into Henry. Who was in line buying stuff. I told him I needed to get something really fast and ran back to pick out a birthday present. We headed to dinner and then to his performance.

He was performing at a church function and I sat in the pews while he was practicing. Soon several ladies started to wonder in. I got lots of fun questions that night. First, is this your boyfriend? Are you guys dating? Well...do you like him? Rapid fire all from the same person. Luckily, Henry was practicing on the piano and I don't (here's to hoping) think he heard the questions. I told the woman I didn't know how to respond to her. Seriously, I don't know what to say. Why? I think we are dating? Honestly, I'm not certain. I don't know how he would answer that question. I don't call him my boyfriend that's for sure. Yes. I do like him.

After he was done performing. One lady asked if we sing together. Hahahaha! If you know me and have heard me sing that is self explanatory. For those who don't know me, let me just say this. I could clear a room out pretty quickly if I started to sing - I am that BAD! I do appreciate people who are blessed with the gift of music in all forms. She then asked if I have Henry sing to me? Yes, please. I actually haven't, but I would totally welcome it. The last and probably the best question of the night - Is he your husband? Umm. No. Thanks for asking though.

We left and went back to the parking lot. We talked in my car for a while. He gave me some more CD's of his and we had turned on the interior light so I could look at some of the songs. This is where it gets illicit. We had talked about going to see the Nutcracker. I haven't ever had a guy willingly say he would go to the ballet with me so I am really excited about this. We made plans for Tuesday because in my mind online it said that is was playing Tuesday night. He called his friends and they said that they wanted to go. Henry asked if I would get the tickets. Well...he then handed me a wad of money to pay for the tickets (remember the lights are still on and we are in a parking lot) and I look up with said bills in my hand and see a woman walking by staring at us through the window. In my mind (bad Shirley) I think all sorts of inappropriate things, especially if I am that woman. I did joke about it with Henry and he laughed. At least he thought it was funny.

Now comes the part where I embarrass myself. It's time to go and I get out to give Henry a hug goodbye. Wait for it...wait. For some reason I feel compelled to say to him "I can't believe that you're not married. You are kind of amazing." Why, why, why do I say things like this. Why does my mouth open before my brain can process what is going to come out. He was totally nice when he responded, but I couldn't actually look at him. I can feel my cheeks are turning red and I just want to get in the car and drive home. Which I then do.

I get home and get online to buy the tickets and guess what? It's not playing the Tuesday we picked. Great! I had to call Henry and tell him, apologize and give him dates that it is playing. He said that he would call his friends and call me back. He couldn't get a hold of them that night so he said that he would try tomorrow. He called me the next day and said that we were still on for Tuesday. We are going to a concert and dinner with his friends. Should be fun. We"ll have to go to the Nutcracker another night.

I will mention here and I may have said this before I am surprised that he continues to want to do things with me. Not that I'm not a great girl and all, but I don't feel like I have many bright shiny moments when I am with him. I think that I can be funny and carry on an intelligent conversation, but when I am with him, my brain shuts down (not all the way). I can usually rapid fire comments and joke back and forth, but for some reason when I am with Henry my brain is slow and can't think. It's super annoying. I think that Tuesday with his friends should be fun. I am hoping that they will tell me more fun stories about Henry. I really hope that my brain will begin to work. Check back to see what happens. At least I can entertain you while I embarrass myself.

Shirley

Three Strikes - You're Out! One Down...

Bob told me that if I fail to answer his phone calls or text messages three times - he will stop calling. Thank you, Bob! You gave me the easy out that my chicken-self needs. I know that I should be a grown-up and tell him that I like him, but don't have that "connection" with him.

I'm wimpy and afraid. Don't hold it against me, please. My first communication from him came via text it said "Don't think I've forgotten about you, my week has been crazy busy. We should talk soon." Umm? Was I waiting for a phone call from you or some form of communication? Not really. Again, thank you for giving me an easy way to fade off into the sunset. My only hope is that we can be amiable if we see each other again in the future.

The good news is that Henry called and actually talked to me on the phone for a while. Usually I get a very short and succinct call to coordinate our date. It's nice to know that he can carry on a decent conversation via the phone. We have plans tomorrow - watch for a post soon after.

Let me also say something about Kurt - he really likes to text and I get random text messages from him during the day. Some I don't think warrant a response and others he likes to use the ;) a LOT!!! What does this mean? Is it supposed to be winking (which is what I think it looks like), does he just not push the shift button while trying to make the smiley face thing, or is it something else all together. I still don't fully get texting and I'm not a big fan. I'm getting better at it, but don't have all the emoticons figured out. Also, Kurt told me that I'm not good because I don't respond. I think that he is trying to flirt with me via the text. Not sure though. I could totally be wrong, I have been many times before. I just like a guy who picks up the phone and actually wants to talk. I like it so much better. You get tone and emotions so much better than - ;) LOL lol (that's all I know - I told you I don't know all the subtleties of the text). Something to think about.

Shirley

A Love Story via Google Search

Just saw this on another website and wanted to share - kind of fun!

Just Another Manic Monday...

Getting ready for the dinner party on Wednesday. My house is a mess, trying to clean with kids is unproductive. I clean, they destroy, it's a vicious cycle that just frustrates me. Trying to get cleaning done after they are a sleep. At least it's clean for a minute that way.

My date tonight with Henry was great as always. We had dinner, another couple was supposed to join us but had to cancel at the last minute. They couldn't find a babysitter. We went to their house for dessert. They have a beautiful home and were easy to talk to. Henry and his friend have known each other since before their missions. I got to hear more about Henry from his "younger" days it was fun and comfortable (something I was worried about). The wife worked in the same field I did so we discussed that and talked about kids and she likes dancing so we had things in common.

I made some breakfast puffs for Henry. I think I have a disease. This cooking thing is taking over my life. I should really work on that. I can't keep all this food in my house, so I give it away. Certain friends (who shall remain nameless) are getting upset because I keep dropping food off. I like taking food on dates because I know most of the guys I give it to really appreciate it. It is sort of cheesy, really, but it works for me. Henry sent me a text on the way home that made me smile. Have another date planned for next week.

Shirley

Running with Kurt

I made Kurt go running with me today. He is a great guy. He is gainfully employed, owns his own home, cute and easy to talk to. I really wish I could find someone for him. He is younger than I am and that makes me a little uncomfortable. I am hoping that at the dinner party next week he can make a love connection with one of my friends. Here's to hoping.

Shirley

Someone Please Stick a Fork in My Eye!

You know a date is going horribly wrong when this is all you can think about. To be fair - I had a raging headache and my date just seemed to add to the problem. It wasn't a bad date, conversation was good, I think it's a bad ideas to do back to back dates. Too much comparing. By me. Which isn't fair. Bob really is a nice guy and he has a lot to offer a girl. Just not me. I know that I won't be going out with him again because that's just not nice.

I think he was trying to prolong the date and I was trying to figure out how to get out of it without being rude. I think he got the hint? He didn't follow-up or ask for another date. Whew!

Shirley

Can We Slow This Down?

My date with Henry went well. I got to the place early and ended up doing a little shopping. I ended up with a new outfit that I promptly went into the dressing room to change into and ended up wearing on the date. I know. That sounds bad. I may have a problem with shopping, one that I need to get under control.

The date was fun. I actually planned what we did. I took him to the planetarium and then to dinner. I called it "Nerd Fun" with Shirley. Luckily he seemed to like it. I had a bunch of questions that he had to answer at the different stations. It was a fun way to get to know him better and find out if he has any hidden talents. Which he does, he can balance stuff on his head and walk up and down stairs. I know this because he told me and then demonstrated. It was pretty funny.

After dinner we were walking to the car in the freezing cold, he gave me a hug and said "So, is it okay that we are going so slowly?" To which I responded "Sure". Why the slow pace? It was explained that he doesn't want to rush this because he likes me. That comment made more sense in the moment. After while driving home, I wondered what would have happened if I would have said No. Part of me is glad that he is going so slowly because I probably would have freaked out and went running for the hills if he were going fast and part of me wishes that it was a little faster. However, now that I know it makes it easier for me to relax and try to just enjoy this process.

I'm a little neurotic so having someone lay it out there for me calms me down, a bit. I still am intrigued by Henry and want to get to know him better. What I do like about Henry is I always feel good about me when I am with him. Why? Henry asked a question and I responded with thank you. How do you recover from stupid moments like this. I do it all the time. I keep thinking he must think I am an idiot. But then he asks me out again. I don't think he likes dumb girls so it must not be as bad as I think it is.

We are going out again next week.

Shirley

Dating Without Intent?

Do you think it's okay to go on a date without intent? By intent I mean I know I don't want anything else out of it besides a night out with a semi-interesting individual. I know that this particular person would like to have a relationship develop, but I just want to be friends.

I have told said person that I want to just be friends. Just not that direct with my words. I think maybe I need to have a talk with him to be more direct with my feelings. I have a hard time with that. I know, I'm working on it.

I accepted a date with Bob and then thought, maybe I shouldn't have. I think it's unfair to say yes because I can't reciprocate the feelings. What are your thoughts on this?

One more thing I have a date with Henry on Monday. I will let you know how that goes.

Shirley

Seriously Funny

I spend too much time surfing the Internet looking for interesting information about a wide range of topics. Today, however, I found a new website called Guy Speak it is hilarious there are six guys that answer any and all questions we women have. They each have a different persona: Chic Geek, Funny Guy, Girls BFF, Mystery Man, Reformed Player and my favorite Wise Ass. You specifically ask one of the guys anything anonymously. I was reading some the answers and was laughing my head off. If you have time and are so inclined check it out.

Here is a quick update on me: My Sunday date got cancelled due to work commitments by Henry. That night however, Roger and Kurt (new guy) came over for some dessert - brownies and ice cream. It was a fun night just talking and getting to know Kurt. Always have a great time with Roger.

Kurt is younger than I am and goofy. I like the goofy, not sure about the younger. I think that we could be good friends, don't have a romantic interest in him. I think that he could like one of my single friends. I am having a dinner party in a couple of weeks so maybe there will be a love connection there for him.

That's all for now...

Shirley

Hello Sweetness

There is nothing like being told you are a "breath taken angel."

"Hello Sweet One, good morning. how was your Night? i hope fine. I am just messing around here and i came across your page believe me your page really caught my eyes, all i could say was WOW!!! you are such an breath taken angel, when i saw your page my heart paused for a while and i will like to still pause the heart for you if you will like to come to rescue. You are really an angel , visible angel. i really would love to get to know you better. Maybe exchange email or chat on instant messenger when you are less busy. I hope to read from you sooner.
Regards
Vinny"

Yes, this is an actual email I received today via FaceBook. (Apparently you can send an email to someone without being their "friend.") I'm really starting to worry. My luck seems to fall into the "freaky weirdo" category. Definitely not on my top 10 trait list. However, I may have to steal one of his lines.

Laverne

Dating Coach / Training With Bert

Shirley and I had the opportunity to listen to a dating coach this week. Two of our guy friends even joined us - Chuck and Rick. The coach had some great advice on how to handle the initial meeting, the first 6 weeks (apparently that's the drop off curve), and "best practices" in between. She even addressed being rejected, and then how to reject in a positive way. All good info.

I loved that she was very clear about dating vs. hanging out. They are not the same. (Chuck - were you listening?) And that men and women both play different roles in the process. In order to be successful, you each have to play your part.

A few other items to note:

1. Make a top 10 list of traits you want your future partner to have. The top 5 items are something the person should already possess (and should never be compromised). Items 6-10 can be a work in progress.
2. Don't give the best of you to those who don't invest in you.
3. Continue dating. Don't get "exclusive" too soon. Keep your options open.
4. Act in Faith not Fear - if you do your part He will do His.
5. Remember the 1/3 rd vs. 2/3rd rule: There are more good men/women than jerks and hags. If all you see are the bad ones change your focus.
6. Tell yourself they're just practice. Don't let someone else define how you feel about yourself.
7. Take rejection as part of the process. If they say no, someone else will say yes.
8. Keep kissing to two minutes or less. (Avoid booty calls.)
9. Always leave them wanting more.
10. Enjoy the journey.

Putting this all into practice:

At one of the activities we attended in September I briefly met a guy - we'll name him Bert. Last month I ran into him again at a dance and had the opportunity to talk/dance with him for a bit. After this meeting he requested me to be his friend on FB. Since then, we have exchanged a few emails (all general "getting to know you" info). He is well educated, very kind, and seems to be a great guy.

This week he attended the Dating Coach presentation. She went really long because many people had a lot of questions. Towards the end I saw Bert get up and leave - which was disappointing because I hadn't been able to talk with him before it started. However, when it ended and I headed out of the room I saw that he was still there, just waiting in the hall.

I went right up to him and said hello. We talked for a minute about our birthdays this week (ours are a day a part). I didn't want him to feel like he had to talk to me all night, so after a few minutes I started the "great talking with you" line when he said "we should go do something to celebrate both our birthdays together."

To play my "part" I gave him a direct smile and said "We should. I would love to." Then left it at that. He made a point to talk to me a couple more times that night while everyone was mingling - even offering to get me a drink.

I received an email from him about 24 hours later (what the coach said was an appropriate amount of time to wait before calling/contacting) mentioning that he had a good time, and asking additional questions about my week. He didn't say anything specific about going out - so we'll see what happens. I'll let you know...

Laverne

Thursday's with Henry

I think Thursday must be our day. I can't figure out why we don't go out on the weekends, somehow we just are able to connect during the week. I will have to think about that. Maybe Henry is a super secret spy and works on the weekends taking out bad people...or maybe he is busy with others? Who knows. It was a fun date, we ate then walked around on a perfect fall night and then sat in my car talking for an hour. What is it about this guy that is so appealing because really he is kind of forgetful (I'm not - usually), he's not really a planner (I am), but he is so fun to talk to. I could talk to him all night and I don't think we would run out of things to say. I know that eventually all the stories get told and maybe we wouldn't have anything to say, but for right now I am really enjoying getting to know him better. I do have another date lined up for a Sunday music event. I am really looking forward to it.

Shirley

Henry Drops By...What???

Henry was literally in my neighborhood to drop off something at a store around the corner from me. He called and asked if he could stop by. Umm...ok. My house is a mess, I have no make-up on, I didn't really do my hair and I have food stains on the clothes because of dinner tonight. What do you do?

Run around the house mad dash cleaning, try to throw on a different top, quickly brush my teeth, roll on some lip gloss and empty the dishwasher as fast as I can so I can reload and get all dirty dishes out of the sink, wipe the counter off and put away the toys. He called right as I was putting the last of the dishes into said dishwasher. Whew. I made it.

I don't look great, but it was fun to have him stop by. We have a date scheduled for Thursday.

Shirley

Was it Something I Said?

Henry cancelled our date this weekend. He got sick. I don't have the best record when it comes to cancelled, rescheduled or rain checked dates (see earlier posts), however, I did get a message from Henry that said he still wasn't feeling great, but "I would love to see you soon though." I guess I will wait to see what happens with his follow through.

I have a busy week so it probably won't happen until next week. More details to follow on the plans. So excited. It's going to be a great week!

Shirley

The Most Incredible Fireside

Went to a fireside where Henry performed along with seven other amazing, seriously talented incredible people. I was totally blown away by the singing, violin playing, opera selections and Henry. He sang this incredible song in Italian. He has such a beautiful voice. It was a night to remember for sure. He even asked me out for later in the week. He said he wanted to do something adventurous. I am looking forward to seeing what that means to him. Check back to find out.

One of my friends asked me if we were dating. I don't know how to respond to that. We date, yes, but I guess when you add the "ing" to the word date it changes the meaning completely. Do people have conversations about this? Do you just fall into it? I'm not sure. Right now, I am just having fun seeing where it takes me.

Shirley

My Half-Date with Henry and Laverne

I don't know if I should count this as a real date, but tonight Laverne and I went to see Henry perform in a show. It was fun and entertaining. I loved the song he sang it was amazing that he arranged. After we waited around while he went over notes from the show with some of the directors. It got uncomfortable there for a minute while we were waiting. I can't decide if we should have just left instead of waiting. I can't fully describe the sort of embarrassment that I was feeling while standing there waiting. It's like being back in junior high again. Ugh. I hate moments like that.

We went to a restaurant and got some appetizers while Henry ate dinner. I feel like I don't have much to say when I am with Henry. He talks a lot and asks questions, but I feel tongue tied or something. It's the strangest thing. I just really enjoy being around him. I feel good when I am. He is different from many of the people I have been meeting lately. I just feel like a bad communicator when he is there. As I sat there and listened to Laverne and Henry talking, I kept thinking, why don't I have anything to contribute to this conversation? What is going on? Why am I suddenly mute?

When we were leaving Henry gave both Laverne and I a hug good-bye. He told me that I looked fantastic (I don't think I will ever get tired of hearing such nice compliments - partly because they are from Henry and partly because it's just nice to hear that). I could listen to him talk, sing and play the piano all night.

When we were on the way home, he was driving next to us and at a stoplight he jumped out of his car and gave us two CD's of music - one spiritual and one fun. Interesting mix of music. I think that the music you like gives a little insight into who you are. I don't know much of the music on the CD's but it is fun to listen to.

Also, on the drive home on the freeway, Laverne once again got the looks from the guy next to us. He kept speeding up then slowing down to check her out. She's so lucky!

Shirley

A way with words.

I really wish you all could just hear the message left on my phone this week. It sounds even better than it looks:

"Hello Laverne...Hi. This is John...I don't know where I met you at...but I met you somewhere and I got your phone number somehow...so...it was a dance or something, I don't know...but you must be cute or I would have deleted it...so anyway...if you get a chance give me a call back. Let's see...I don't know if you remember me or not...but, if you could tell me a few things maybe I'll remember you. Alright...talk to you soon. Bye."

Sure John. We'll be talking real soon.

Laverne

Another Amazing Date with Henry

Tonight for our date we listened to a choir practicing for their Sunday performance and ate dinner on the top floor of this amazingly beautiful building. After we were walking around looking at the different rooms, Henry told me he had performed in many of the rooms for wedding receptions. He took me to this room with a piano in it and he sang me a 200 year old love song - while playing the piano, in a dark room with nothing but the outside lights from the city to cast a soft glow in the room. Yep. You heard me. Pick up your jaw, like I had to, he is unbelievably talented. I love listening to him sing.

I have always had a thing for guys who could play the piano. The fact that he can sing and play. Oh, no, I am in trouble. The song was beautiful, I wish I could tell you the name so you could hear it for yourself. I don't remember. I am so sad that I don't remember. I am trying to figure out a way to ask him, but I'm not quite sure how to bring it up. All I could think during the song was - I could listen to him sing everyday. Henry likes the song because it isn't cheesy, it's timeless and memorable. I am still smiling as I think about it.



I really like that he teases me, in a nice way, because sometimes people tease and it feels mean. I am comfortable with him, there hasn't been any awkwardness, I did almost run over some pedestrians while taking him to his car. That was just embarrassing and funny. He asks questions and I feel like he really listens to me and he remembers things I have said on previous occasions. I have a hard time with that skill. I think sometimes I just have major brain dumping after a conversation. I went to a fireside last Sunday and one thing the speaker said that look at how people treat people they don't need. He used the example of servers in restaurants, clerks at the store, etc. I am happy to say that Henry was super nice to the server and she was totally flirting with him. He didn't flirt back.

I am looking forward to next week and seeing him perform again. He asked if I wanted to go get dessert after. I am sure that it will be a fun night. Stay tuned...

Shirley

And Just Like That It's Over...

I got a call from Shane tonight. He told me that he was dating someone else and feels like it has reached a point where he wants to be exclusive with them. I can't decide if I should feel bad about this. Mostly I have been laughing. Not because it's funny, but because what else do you do? I mean we went on three dates - they were fun and I had a good time. I would have liked to get to know him better, but I don't really feel bad. I guess that's a good thing.

I tried to handle it with confidence and courtesy. I didn't want to be the worst version of what I have experienced when someone says they are no longer interested. I think that I did a good job.

Shirley

A Night of Beautiful Music

Tonight Shane came back into town on his way to his parents missionary homecoming. We went to dinner and to a show. It was a fancy night out- he asked me to dress up. Super fun. I love any excuse to wear a pretty dress. I had such a good time. I was prepared for the date to be good, but after last night's date with Henry, I wasn't sure if tonight would be as much fun. It was.


It had a completely different feel to it. Shane is more mature, possibly because he is older or possibly because he has had life experiences similar to mine. I'm not sure. He makes me feel good about myself and is easy to be with and fun to talk to. He is cute in a nerdy sort of way. I really like that about him. He looked really good in his suit and he has dimples. I'm kinda love dimples. He has so many funny stories from a mischievous youth. He is intelligent and is gainfully employed. I was totally prepared to have fun, but didn't think I would like him as much as I liked Henry. It took a few minutes to get the conversation going. Whereas with Henry the conversation gets going the second he arrives. He is a big bundle of energy. Shane is a little more subdued and subtle. Shane seems less intimidating to me. He makes me laugh and I am totally physically attracted to him. I enjoy his company each time we get together.

Two things that make me nervous: first, having two guys that I like. Only because it could get messy, people's feeling get hurt and because I haven't ever dated two guys at once. Second, if you date eventually it has to end for one or both of them. I get hurt or hurt someone else. I don't know if I can handle another rejection at this moment in my life and I don't want to reject anyone. I feel that being honest and direct with both of the guys is the best route to go. They both need to know that I am dating other people and they should feel free to do the same. How does one start of a conversation like that? Something to ponder...

Shirley

PS - I honestly don't think guys think about this stuff as much as we do. What do you think?

Finally!

I am writing this Tuesday night, but won't post until after my date Thursday. Henry finally called me back and we are going out Thursday night. I can't wait! I am so EXCITED! I think I might be a little bit smitten. Which is not necessarily a good thing. I am really nervous. I'm okay when it doesn't really matter, but when I sort of have feelings or expectations or excitement, I crash and burn. I get a little tongue tied and I usually end up embarrassing myself. Super! Hopefully it won't end up that way.

I've found a few pointers that may help. First, breathe, take slow deep cleansing breaths. Hopefully I can remember this. Second, tell yourself all the reasons why he should like you. You gotta psych yourself up and remember all the good things about yourself. Helps with the confidence, which most guys say is the best quality a girl can have. Third, remember this is just practice and if he doesn't like you someone else will. Fourth, he will probably be nervous too. I hope so. Fifth, don't monopolize the conversation - it's supposed to be like a tennis match, you can't keep the ball on your side of the net the entire evening.


I have to say that I am glad I have my friend (yes, you know who you are) for the initial introduction to Henry. I know that you will want a play by play of the night, don't worry I will be calling you with all the details. I am praying that nothing gets in the way of the date and we don't have to postpone or that I don't get rain checked, again. That's the real reason I won't be posting this until after Thursday. I somehow feel the universe will conspire against me and the date won't happen if I post today.

It actually happened...

Here goes...We met for dinner in the city. When he first saw me he gave me a hug and we started walking toward the restaurant. He turned around and said, "By the way you look amazing." *sigh* It is so nice to get compliments from guys. I am totally smiling like crazy at this point.

There was music playing in the background during dinner and he knew all the songs. He even sang a few of them. Which I found funny and endearing. We went to get ice cream after - even though it was 40 degrees outside. We ended up sitting in the lobby of the Megaplex talking. Just - talking. I really enjoyed getting to know him better. He has so many funny stories. When we finished he walked me to my car and on the way he asked if I wanted to go out again next week and if I would come to this show he is performing in if he gets me tickets (which is two weeks away). Umm. Yes please.

Here are my thoughts... This was one of my all time favorite first dates (even counting ones from my youth). Mostly because of the company, but partly because it was casual and relaxed and I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be. Henry is smart, articulate, funny, sweet and talented. All great qualities. I do wonder if once the shiny newness wears off if I will still think the same of him. And if he will think the same things about me. I know that it works both ways. Most of the guys that I have met or been hanging out with have either lost that shiny glow thereby turning into "just friends" or have become annoying instead of endearing and sweet. I am trying to trust myself to make good decisions, and that I will have the gift of discernment to weed out the wheat from the chaff so to speak. I have my date with Shane tonight. I know that will be fun too.

Shirley

PS - no mention of the bathroom phone call. Maybe later I will bring it up, well...who am I kidding, probably not. I think this is one of those situations where it's best to pretend it never happened.

Dumb Luck??? Am I Seriously This Unlucky?

I was out with Bob on Friday night, went to a game. I had my cell phone in my back pocket because we were going to meet up with Laverne, Roger and Rick to go dancing. I needed to coordinate arrival times, where to meet, etc.

While at the game I had to use the bathroom. Cell phone still in back pocket. I went back to my seat and a little while later I received a call from Laverne. When I hung up I noticed that my phone had dialed a few people. Guess who was on the list? Henry - OH NO!!! I'm not sure if he received a message of me using the restroom or the crowd cheering at the game or what? Please, please I am praying it was not a bathroom message. I am dying. I don't know if I should pretend it never happened or bring it up so we can laugh about it.

I am stunned that my phone actually dialed a number. I have it locked you have to push the OK button twice to get it to unlock. Then is has to scroll down clear to Henry's name. His name is not conveniently located at the beginning or end of the alphabet. How does this happen and why me? I feel like Henry and I are just not meant to be. I really want to go out with him, but don't think things are looking real good right now.

Here is an update though...he did call me back about the tickets I had. He said that he had a family thing so he couldn't make it, but that he wanted to know if I was available this week. He said to call back. I called back and got his voicemail. Curses to modern conveniences. I did leave a message asking him to call me back so we could discuss a day to go out. I haven't heard from him - yet. I am pretty sure that he must think I am an idiot after the Friday night message. Lucky for me I can laugh about this and once again chalk it up to practice. I'm sure there are worse things that could have happened. Not sure what they would be, but there are worse things. Right? Please feel free to share your embarrassing stories so I don't feel so bad...please.

Shirley

Laverne's Pathetic Update

I've had a few requests for a Laverne update and since it would only take a minute, I thought I'd indulge you all. Here it is in a nutshell:

• Jerry and I have gone out a couple more times, but since it has come to the point where there is clearly nothing there, I've let the communications lag to where I haven't spoken to him in almost 2 weeks now (I know, mature). Great guy. Fun to be with. Perfect concert date. A good ice breaker (yes, I kissed him). But not enough all around for what I'm looking for.

• Chuck is still in the picture - just off to the side a bit. We're still both playing the buddy card so I'm trying to figure out how to best make a move and let him know I'd be open to actually going on a date. Shirley and I have discussed this scenario and agree "this could be a great opportunity to practice your skills so you have no regrets." I'll let you know how my exercise with Chuck goes.

• Scott is still my lake boyfriend. I've been up there a couple more weekends and each time I get a text from him to see what I'm up to (since he is up there too), which then prompts a weekend of stimulating (insert sarcasm) texting. My average wpm has increased thanks to him.

• Bob (a new guy) is someone I met at a dance a few weeks ago who I didn't give my phone number to, but who hooked up with me on FaceBook. We've been exchanging emails off and on. There might be more to this story after tomorrow (he's planning to be at a dance we're going to), but for now I'll just say that he could give Scott a run for his money in the personality department. Yes, it's that bad.

• Lenny is great. Still there. Enjoying good, long conversations with the guy. Hoping he'll join us eventually for some of our outings with Chuck and Roger - he could use a night out.

That about covers things. Shirley and I have another dinner event (mid-singles group thing) coming up in two weeks. I am trying to tell myself to "lighten up" next time and give the guys a chance. For some reason I become more introverted in those types of social situations (the exact opposite of Shirley) and, I'll admit it, slightly critical. I'm sure it's a self defense move (still working on the self esteem thing). However, those who know me know that in my previous life introverted would never be a word used to describe me. So, I'm working my way out of the black hole I let myself fall into and am trying to be more open, flirty, and interested in some of the random guys we are meeting.

This article helped provide a little more inspiration too.

Don't get me wrong. I still have standards. They just might broaden a little bit.

Oh - and did I mention, for some reason I have been getting friend requests on FB lately from a number of random single guys. All over the age of 40. How broad is too broad...45? Or, maybe I just need to rethink my profile pic...

Laverne

Practice, Practice, Practice - Does it Really Make Perfect?

I got two tickets to conference with weekend at the Meganacle. In keeping with the theme of being more bold this year, and thinking that I need the practice (see below), I threw out a text message to Mr. Piano Man, Henry. It was a simple straight-forward question. I realize that it is a little lame asking via text, but I am slowly trying to work into this dating scene and asking via phone is a little difficult for me to muster up the courage to do. This happened Sunday afternoon while I was feeling brave, just got the tickets and Laverne pointed out many nice traits about myself and why it wasn't a big deal. Deep breath - push send...

Today is Tuesday, still haven't heard from Henry, trying hard not to feel rejected and dumb for asking. He really is bad at timely responses, but hey this question was more than asking him to perform at a fireside. I did find some good information about how to deal with this from an online source she said...

"Don't take it as a rejection. This is just practice. He seems to be playing his role, so keep the faith and just play your role. You have matched his efforts, now sit back and see if he steps forward and does more. Remain warm and feminine when you see him, but don't linger too long so he has a need to keep pursuing more of your time. Leave him on a high note making him feel great, trusting that if he doesn't respond someone else will. I really don't know if he will do anything or not, but I do know this could be a great opportunity to practice your skills so you have no regrets."

Okay, so my goal for this experience is no regrets and to keep thinking of this as practice.

Shirley

Hiking with Shane

Today was the big hike with Shane. It was really fun. We easily made it to the waterfall within an hour and then sat on a rock talking for another hour and then walked back down and I came home. I learned quite a bit about him. We have similar stories and so I think that helps with the understanding of where we both are. While we were talking, I totally kept wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Yes, I think I could kiss him. So he passed one of Laverne's tests - is he kissable. I'm going to go with - Yes he is kissable. I don't actually want to right now. Well, I take that back. I could totally kiss him right now. However, I still think that kissing says something about your relationship that I am not willing to say right now. Kissing is fun though and some days I sure to do miss it.

The good news: I am officially no longer the one date wonder. He asked me to go out again next time he is in town. He said that he would be back in a couple of weeks. I told him to give me a call.

The bad news: I showed up for the hike with a very large burn mark on my neck. Would you like to know how I got it? Okay. I was curling my hair and like a 10 year old girl who is first learning to curl her hair all by herself I accidentally dropped the curling iron and it landed on my neck burning off a very large chunk of skin. Sweet. Can my day get any better?

Lunch Date with Shane

Because of a party that Laverne and I attended a few guys have contacted me via Facebook. One of them, let's call him - Shane asked me out. He doesn't live here but works here occasionally. After a few emails between the two of us. He asked me if I would meet him for lunch. I accepted.

The date almost didn't happened - so many things went wrong. First, my babysitter that I originally planned on got sick and cancelled, I tried to call for back up and was denied. I finally got my neighbor to take them (since it was only for a couple of hours and my son was in school). The morning of the date, I woke up with a flat tire. Completely flat. What??? How does this happen on the day I am supposed to drive the kids to school, get into town for lunch and I had a friend coming over to help move some boxes out of my house. Somehow, I pulled off getting enough air in my tire to get us to Les Schwab to get it repaired, made it home in time to haul all the boxes out of my basement so they would be ready to be thrown away, got the kids to school (it was picture day) so he had to look good, and made it to the lunch spot a little early.

Lunch was fun. He is older than I am (not sure how much). He is divorced with a very similar story to mine. We had an easy time talking, food was great, he was cute in a nerdy sort of way. For some reason the "nerdy" boy appeals to me. He is gainfully employed, has a couple kids, lives in another state, which makes him feel safe, and he was fun to talk to.

He asked if I would like to do something again next time he was in town. He said that he gets out here once a month. I agreed. I keep reading this bookmark I was given in Relief Society that says, "In all of Living, have much fun and laughter. Life is to be enjoyed, not just endured." President Gordon B. Hinckley. I had an enjoyable time, so why not a second date.

Today, I woke up and was getting the kids ready for the day. Shane calls me and tells me he had a good time at lunch. He said that he was actually disappointed that he had to go back to work because he would have liked to talk longer. He would like to see me again before he heads back home, if I am available. He is leaving on Monday. Not much time really to plan something. Lucky for me I have the best friend, Laverne, who agreed to take my kids after church for a couple hours while Shane and I go on a hike.

I guess that I am losing the title of one date wonder. Funny that the second date is happening so quickly after the first. I guess I will see where this goes. Come back for the part two of this date...

Just so you know still haven't received a call from Henry. Not sure that I will. I hope that I do, but not real confident that it's going to happen.

Shirley

In Honor of National Singles' Week...I Submit the Following

Seriously - now that we're single again, online dating has become a topic of conversation. Do you remember when you used to make a video of yourself? Please take a stroll with me down memory lane. Granted I was a little too young to be dating back in the 80s, but this will definitely make you laugh (or possibly cry) depending on whether you are single or not. Did you see anyone that you would want to date?



Shirley

Oh ya. I AM the goddess.
Laverne

Sunday Fun

I got to meet a guy tonight that I've been wanting to meet for a while. We have mutual friends and I keep getting told how amazing he is. Let's just say that I think I fell in love - just a little bit. He is totally fun, talented and cute. Let's call him...Henry. I've always liked that name.

It was a great night. He was fun to talk to. He is silly, he got my sarcasm, he seems smart, he is very social in a large crowd and seems comfortable with all types of people. I had decided before tonight that I was going to be bold and tell him that I would love for him to call me sometime. It's subtle, yet encouraging. I am happy to report that I didn't have to say it. Before I had a chance he asked if I would like to do something. Can you see me smiling? I don't know if I have stopped. I had to ask if he really was going to call. I have had this conversation before. He said that he would. He asked what my schedule was like during the next few weeks. Next few weeks - geez that's a really long time. I told him that I would be out of town for a week, but would be home next Monday and he should call then. He said that he would. I really wished I would have added that he could call anytime before that just to talk. I didn't think of it until later. I did email him some pictures from the event and he did respond today. Which is good because my previous emails didn't get a response generally. One other thing that I was kind of happy about - He gave me three hugs, one sort of in the middle of the evening and two as we were talking at his car before he left. Sigh.

I have been told that he is highly disorganized. This may be a deal breaker for me. I am anal with organization. However, I think this is the first guy that I have met that I am truly excited about going out with. Now I hope that I didn't jinx it. I will keep you all posted.

Still haven't been out on a second date, but both Nick and Bob have asked me to do something. I think that Bob will possibly get a second date. Nick - not so sure about. Also, I may have a lunch date with a new guy...let's call him Shane, next week.

Shirley

My Date with Bob

We met in the city and had dinner with his friends. One couple decided it was appropriate to make-out during dinner (No! twas not I). The other couple didn't have much to say to each other. In fact, I think that the girl came because of Bob. He did set them up. Bob and I had a really good time. I tried his meal, he tried mine. Good conversation at dinner. After, there wasn't much planned. All the guys pulled out their iphones and googled activities going on. How did we live without these modern conveniences? Anyway. We were going to rendezvous at a central location, but apparently there was a miscommunication between all the boys. Bob and I showed up but no one else did. One couple went home the other headed to a piano bar. We'll address my frequenting bars later...

Bob and I did a quick tour and then headed over to meet up at the bar. It was open mic night. Singing ensued by everyone but me. You can't say that I haven't learned my lesson. They can all sing fairly well. I know that I can not. We played pool and had fruity drinks. Kissing couple decided to take off, not after giving us more of a show. It got fairly uncomfortable to look at them (for me anyway). I guess that is what you do when you are 25. Oh, to be young and dumb.

Bob and I stayed to talk for a little while longer. He is easy to talk to. He seems very confident and amiable. I truly enjoyed spending time with him. Were there sparks? Maybe? Little ones? Here's my problem...he said that he has only been on a few dates since the beginning of the year. He said that he "hangs out" quite a bit with girls, but doesn't ask many of them on dates. I am pretty sure that we were on a date, so that makes me nervous. I think I would rather be lumped in the "hang out" group right now.

My problem is the guys I have been meeting/dating recently are either single men who have never been married and are ready to find a serious relationship now or divorced (at least 5 years) and are ready to get serious again. Two of the guys both said that they liked me. Which I appreciate, but hearing that is scary to me. I'm not ready nor do I want a serious relationship right now. Maybe it's I don't want a serious relationship with the people I have met so far. Nothing wrong with them. Just me not being ready.

I am still too raw from everything that has occurred during this past year. I know that I am only able to be a great friend to these guys now. Later, who knows? I guess I don't think I should have to make that decision today. Dating is so different this time around for me. I am much more outgoing and less freaked out by hearing that someone likes you...although, it still scares me. I can easily converse with guys where before I had a hard time. I don't think I knew how to flirt very well. I like myself better now. I am more accepting of my flaws and more appreciative of the things I have to offer.

Shirley

My Call with Nick

Nick called last night and we talked for a while - he invited me to lunch. I didn't put much effort into, but didn't get a babysitter. Used that as an excuse. I know. Totally not nice. I should be more direct. I am ambivalent about him. I can take him or leave him. He asked if there was a better time during the week where he could see me. Well...not this week. I am super busy. I am trying to get ready for an activity that I am in charge of. I am packing to go on a trip. I have a date tonight and the weekend I need to do a lot of prep work for the activity. I really like talking to him on the phone. He has a great sense of humor. Just no sparks.

Nick made a couple comments that expressed a different view than myself. Which is okay. I don't want you to think I have no flexibility. First, he doesn't like how people date in Utah. He thinks you should just date one person at a time. I disagree. Why put all your eggs in one basket? I think that you should be open to meeting new people and giving everyone a chance. He said it is the grass is greener. He feels it's disrespectful to the person you're dating. I think that's true after you have dated for a while. If there is a mutual agreement. At the beginning I don't agree. You are both trying to get to know each other. What are your thoughts on this?

Second, he has issues with girls with "muffin tops". He made a comment about a girl he saw (in his defense, she was walking around in her swimsuit in the middle of the day). She had a muffin top. I think it is hard to find a girl in our age bracket that doesn't have muffin top. He kept saying I just don't want to look at that. Okay. I don't really want to either, but if you get married. You have to look at that. Yes. I know no one wants to see a muffin top, and, yes, you probably would be okay if you were married to the person. You some how can look past physical faults a little easier. However, why start off not being physically attracted to each other?

Third, when I told him I couldn't get a babysitter for a lunch date. He said that I could bring the kids. NO Way! I'm not taking my kids anywhere on a date until it become necessary for them to meet someone. Is this a strange offer to you?

I think that this post helped me to resolve my feelings about this situation...

Shirley

Adventures of Roger, Rick, Laverne and Shirley

Last night Laverne and I went out to dinner (sushi) and clubbing with our old friends from high school, Rick and Roger, Chuck was supposed to come, but backed out in the end. This was probably a good thing. I will say one thing about Laverne - she was getting all the guys last night. There was one in particular that was smitten with her. Roger kept blocking him from dancing with her, but he kept weaseling his way back into our circle. Rick described it perfectly - Laverne would be dancing and just look at a guy and he would come right over to her and start dancing. All the guys behind her were checking her out. Who can blame em? Roger is really great to have at a place like that. He is very observant and really looked out for us. Rick surprised us with his mad dance skills. Not really, but at least he wasn't afraid to get out there and dance.

Rick and I got talked into Karaoke. Let me mention here - never done that before, will never do it again. I am a HORRIBLE singer. We sang Summer Lovin'. It was painful to listen to. We had a good time though. Luckily all the patrons in the bar - yes you heard me. I was in a bar last night. They were too preoccupied with their own things to pay attention to us. We didn't get much of an applause, but like I said it was bad. Next time Roger said he would sing and we may get Laverne up there, too.

Dancing was great, sushi was amazing. I think we may stick to other venues in the future. It was still a memorable evening of fun.

Shirley

(Laverne: Just a few things to add...(1) Weasel guy was totally creepy. I seem to always attract the weirdos. (2) Shirley doesn't know when she is getting hit on. Luckily Roger is a great guardian and kept our "circle" safe. (3) We were there to dance, not pick up guys. As mentioned before, we love to dance and realize clubs are not where we are going to actually meet someone we would ever consider dating. It is just fun to get out. Especially with Roger & Rick. (4) Shirley rocks the Karaoke. Really. Rocks. "Tell me more, tell me more..." (5) Getting up early to get children to school the next morning was a ton of fun. Fortunately we love being moms even more than we love dancing.

My Date with Nick

Nick and I went out last night. It was fun, he is easy to talk to and I am comfortable with him. He did reveal some trials in his past that took me by surprise. I have respect for someone who can admit they had a problem but have taken steps to correct and forgo. It sounds like he took care of it using the correct principals. I admire anyone who can do this.

The date: we went to a family members home and made dinner and cooked a dutch oven peach cobbler. Was it fun? Yes. His family is nice and I really enjoyed meeting them. Is it weird to meet the family on the first date? Yes. Totally. Here is the bad part. We started making the cobbler a little later and he asked if I still had time. I looked at my watch - it was only 8pm! Yikes. I thought it was like 10 pm. Yikes! That's not a good sign, right? Time seemed to be dragging a bit. The cobbler didn't actually turn out, he forgot the original items to make the cobbler so we had to stop before and re-buy them. He forgot a few other things that night as well - pictures he was supposed to bring for the family to see, cookies for our bake off, and all the cobbler ingredients.

We met at a central location and then I rode with him. When he dropped me off he gave me a hug and asked if I would like to go out with him again. I hesitated to say yes. I enjoy talking with him. I love his wit, personality and manners. I don't feel that "chemistry" or "spark" whatever you want to call it. I know that you can develop chemistry the more you get to know someone. At least in the past, I have become more attracted to a guy based on his personality. Do you need to have a little spark in the beginning to consider going on a date?

All I know is: He is a great guy, wish I could find him someone to date, I don't want it to be me.

Shirley

It's Raining Men. Hallelujah?

Why the title - well read on to see...

What happened. A group of people from our activity last week, we'll call them the organizers, got together to have dinner. I thought - I should go. Right now it's all about expanding the friend circle because you never know who has a friend that might be right for Laverne or myself.

Dinner was fun, a good group of people. Even mix of guys and girls. One guy has been emailing me since the activity last week - he is funny, has a great sense of humor (which I love), he gets my sarcastic remarks and responds appropriately. Physically -not sure how to describe him. He is cute, but I don't think I am physically attracted to him. Which I am finding is the case for most of the guys that I have been meeting lately. More on that later. We'll call this guy Nick. We talked during dinner exchanged fun banter and I was supposed to go have dessert with everyone, but I bailed. Why? I actually had an invite to two other parties. Can you believe it? I know, I still can't myself. So many parties, with so many boys, so little time. Hehehehe.

When I woke up this morning I found an email message from Nick telling me has was disappointed that I didn't stay and that he would like to get my phone number so we can talk. Hmmm. After the crazy incident I had with the last guy, I am a little hesitant to give out my number. I have had some time to talk to him and he seems okay. As one of my friends said you should at least give them a chance with one date (if they ask) and if you don't want it to go further it's okay. She keeps telling me that I should friend all of them and just see what happens. Is it better to have quantity or quality? Do you need to have the quantity to get the quality? She keeps telling me you never know if they have a friend that you may like. Something to think about.

My questions is: Is it okay to go out with someone if you're not sure you want it to go farther than just a date? Do you need to go out that one time to actually decide that? Do you give everyone a "one date" test to see if you want to continue on? I am confused on this. I need to make a decision that works for me. Any input is always appreciated.

My email was burning this morning because another guy, whom I will call William, I met at the activity last week also. I will mention here that I met all these guys because I took my camera to the party and walked around all night snapping candid photos. Many people complained about their less than attractive pictures, but I met many a man by doing this. William was working during the party and I mocked him for it. He sent me an email and I responded. Today he sent an email that asked if I would be interested in going to lunch sometime. I have been asked to lunch and dinner a few times with zero follow through. You remember that I am officially the rain check girl. I am going to see how this ends up. I sent him an email accepting his offer and said that when he was coming in town again to let me know. I didn't give my number so we'll see how this plays out. When I say coming into town, let me clarify, he lives in another state. He works here frequently. At least I won't be running into him if he ends up being scary.

Bob and I talked a couple more times this week and he invited me to a party. I couldn't decide what to do, but ultimately thought it might be fun. I chose to be bold and check it out. After dinner with the leaders group. I went to the party. They were all dancing. I love to dance so it was fun. They had moved all the furniture in the house to the side walls and had some fun music going. One guy there even knew how to Salsa dance. He was really good. He taught me a few new moves. Bob and I danced and he just makes me laugh. He is not a great dancer. Again, I don't know if I am attracted to him, if he is just easy to be with, but there is something that is interesting to me. I don't know why. We are still trying to get to know each other. The group ended up playing games. Missionary Tag and Kissing Rugby. These girls really know how to play kissing rugby game. It became a full contact sport. A couple of guys got knocked to the ground by the girls so they could be kissed - they loved it. It was hilarious to watch. I was surprised that going to a party where I knew only one person could be so much fun. The girls there were really nice and, surprisingly, I didn't feel awkward.

I totally got lost on the way home, had to call Bob and he guided me out. That was not good. I thought I was better at directions than that. He sent me some funny text messages (it seems as if I have been sucked into the texting scene). One text said "Consider the box checked". In a previous conversation, I told him that texting to me is like passing the junior high note that said - Do you like me? Check the box. I sent back - Yes, but which box did you check? He laughed and said the Like box. Stuff like that is kind of endearing, right? It could be considered corny, too.

Shirley

Chuck and Roger

Laverne and I had a dinner party. The guests? Chuck, Roger and Lenny. Lenny got held up, so it was just Chuck and Roger. How funny is that? We had a good laugh that we were making dinner for these guys. Yes. We made dinner. I love to cook. We made Fettuccine Alfredo (because all the guys love it) and cheesecake. Yum!

After we were sitting around talking. Chuck mentioned that he was not impressed with the other ladies at the weekend party we drug them to. He said that he wouldn't actually be interested in dating any of them. What? Am I missing something here? What exactly are they "looking" for? To me, there was some cute girls there that seemed fun and normal. I felt better when he did mention that he would date the two of us. Although I will mention here that, Chuck is one of the nicest guys ever, I believe that he included me in that statement so as not to make me feel bad. I did almost say to him - then why aren't you? Roger did echo his sentiments. Good to know.

The best part of the night making the guys move furniture and take my garbage out. We are all going out next week to go dancing. We both are surprised that Chuck agreed to go and that he did so without hesitation.

Shirley

Getting Out. Making New Friends. Loving the Old Ones.

Laverne and I had the opportunity to go out over the weekend. It was with...several guys (WOO HOO) and girls. Not a date. More like a group activity. We had dinner and then met up with another group and played games.

We had some fun guys in our group for dinner. One guy was super grumpy. He was not at all happy about my restaurant choice. Oh well. He was a grump the entire dinner. So, from now on he shall be referred to as...Grumpy. Although, truthfully, I don't know that he even needs a special name.

We did meet fun guys during the after party. I was in charge of a game room and we had some really fun interactive games. I think it ended up being the best room all night. We certainly had a lot of people come by to see what was going on. One guy, was seriously holding onto Laverne for quite a bit of the game. He was sad when she finally got away. Met some really fun guys. Plus we made Roger and Chuck come along. We have been doing a lot of things with these two guys. It's so nice to have guys that are fun and easy to be around. We wanted Lenny to come, but he had other obligations.

After we went over to Roger's house to...I don't know what to call it...other than...hang out? It feels like high school all over again. The difference this time is that we are grown-ups. Old, jiggly, haggard (on occasion), tired, grown-ups. It is still fun, though. We luckily are able to laugh at ourselves and talk openly about things I wasn't ever comfortable with before. It's funny how our lives have come almost full circle back to where we started from.

I will mention here just because it is worth mentioning that when we were all at Roger's house it may have been brought up that Roger and I, well, we shared a moment, a kissing moment. I won't say anything else other than this: Roger was probably the best choice to experience it with since jumping back into the dating scene. Why? We are still just friends. I don't normally go around kissing just friends. I only mean that I do just think of him as a friend and I am glad that we can still remain so. There isn't any residual weirdness. We can joke about it and still hang out together. However, I thought is was necessary to share this because kissing has also been a new topic between Laverne and I (Laverne has also had a recent "kissing moment" - with Jerry). Kissing/Dating is different than it was in college and we're still trying to figure out the rules and how to handle it appropriately - but still enjoy the experience of getting to know a guy. More on this topic to come...

One other story to mention: we all stopped by the gas station to get drinks. What do you think everyone picked? Roger - OJ, Shirley - Water, Laverne - Dr. Pepper, and Chuck - hehehe Strawberry Milk. Now what does that say about him. It totally fits his personality. He IS Strawberry Milk. Example, on the way home we were following him back to the freeway and Laverne realized that she needed to get gas. We called Chuck to ask if he would just pull over with us and wait while we filled up. I told Laverne in the car that I thought Chuck would get out and pump the gas for her. He is that guy - totally polite and conscientious. What does he do? He gets out, pays for and pumps the gas. Yeah. I know. Chuck is one great guy.

I had some guys try to friend me on Facebook. I am more hesitate to accept because of all the personal information I have on there. I am still trying to decide what to do. Anyone with advice it is greatly appreciated. Do I accept all the friend requests and remove all the personal stuff or do I just keep ignoring them? I have requests that I haven't responded to just for this reason.

One guy I will call, Bob, was intriguing to me, but Laverne referred to him as Tim 2. I know scary, right? He tried to friend me. We exchanged emails (quite a few). He is still interesting to me. I am trying to decide what to do. We did talk on the phone once. He was funny and insightful, but I don't know if after talking to him I feel anything other than friendship for him.

Laverne and I were talking, I keep thinking that this time around, it will happen slowly and kind of develop over time. Friendship is good...will it go further...do you want it to? I think I am really enjoying the friendship part and meeting so many fun people. I don't know if I am ready for anything else right now.

Shirley

Let the Drama Begin.

Ladies, now be honest. When we think of guys, don't you think they hate it when we drag them into the drama of our lives, friends, work, etc. Well...let me tell you a little story. It seems that we are not the only ones who can be drama queens. Personally, I liked to leave that job to my 3 year old, but I guess you do what works for you.

If you recall the last post. The night ended with strange text messages from Tim. I agreed to go out with him this weekend. However, as this past week progressed I started to feel more uncomfortable with the idea of going out with him. Regardless of the public place or not. Just a feeling that I couldn't shake and a decision had to be made.

Now, here I pose a question for all you people out there. Do you lie and say something came up, or do you go the direct route and say you don't want to go. Each has a place, honesty is good, being nice is usually a safe bet. Most guys will see thru the nice and know that you just don't want to go, but may be able to save face a little by convincing themselves that something really did come up.

What did I do? I took the nice route. I kept it short and simple. I just said I needed to cancel. Something came up. Then it all fell apart. Let me just shorten the drama for you because really who wants to read about a whiny guy who lacks self confidence, can't take no for an answer, who then starts the personal attacks on me. Although I will share one tidbit...

During a phone conversation which started out poorly because he was upset. (Note to self: emotions just really cloud your ability to do anything, rationally). I was told that I was mean because I didn't answer his texts that night (meaning Friday). Let me just say in my defense. It was 3 a.m. when he was texting me. I was sleeping or at least trying to. I had to turn off the phone because I was tired. I tried to explain this to Tim, who then replied, "Oh cry, Shirley, cry, cry just like a little girl". Insert sarcastic voice. What? Did that just come out of his mouth, seriously? I think he said that because I had previously told him that the drama of his life reminded me of junior high. A couple more that I liked are: You just want people to like you. You don't really care about them. There's a difference you know. You're not very nice. You should really think about that. And two: What else was I supposed to do? Just tell me? How could I have changed the situation? You were talking to him (meaning Larry). You ignored me. How was I supposed to get your attention? My response - Yes. I was JUST talking to him. I don't understand why he would be annoyed that I was talking to someone else. We barely even know each other.

To sum up: one day of my life has been sucked down a huge vortex of what I will call Tornado Tim. He ended one of his text messages with, "you are perfect for Larry you both are pro's at telling people what they want to hear. The truth means nothing to you."

Well Tim. You're right I do tell people what they want to hear and so for you I have the truth as requested - uncensored and unfiltered through my normal niceness. Tim. You are creepy. You behaved like a 12 year old girl. When someone says they changed their mind about going out with you - WALK AWAY! Show some self respect and just keep your mouth closed. Whining, blaming and name calling does not make me want to change my mind about going out with you. It wouldn't change any one's mind about going out with you. Just remember I have personal liberties which include, but are not limited to, I can say NO, change my mind or walk away from a situation anytime I feel like. I don't owe you any explanations. Period.

Oh and PS - NO! Laverne will not be calling you, but thanks for asking.

Shirley

One Crazy Night

It all started with dropping the kids off at Grandma's house. You gotta love Grandmas.

Next we needed a moment to enjoy the silence and get a little pampering, so we went for pedicures. While relaxing in the chair (we didn't get to sit right next to each other), a guy walked by and sees Laverne in the chair, walked back/by again, then came in the door. He joked with the manicurist then said he'll get a pedicure and a manicure. He then sat down next to Laverne. In an effort to be more friendly, Laverne made eye contact. He was smitten. End of story. When we were leaving he gave a little wave to Laverne. Should she have given him her number?

(Laverne) Since he was easily in his late forties, had really hairy hands and a creepy smile, I think walking out without a second glance was the right thing to do. Did I mention he was creepy?

Next we were going to go to dinner, but decided instead just to eat something at my house. On the way home two guys in a big truck pulled up in a lane next to us and began checking us out. We were in the turning lane so when the light changed we went left - but not without giving a big wave to the boys in the truck. Yes, they were cute. And young.

So far it sounds like a good night right?

Then came the dance. I thought it started at 9 pm. Apparently they were having games before the dance started. Silly me. We showed up late but they were still playing games, so we decided to join in. I won a gift certificate to a restaurant that has an amusing story in progress, but will tell it later after it happens. Stayed tuned for that one.

(Laverne) Shirley forgot to mention the small highlight here; we both got kissed. Granted, it was because the game was kissing rugby, but you've got to take what you can get. Right?

Finally they dimmed the lights and started the music. At first there wasn't a lot of people there. It did begin to pick up. A couple of new friends came with us. They both left early. We closed it down. A guy (shall we call him Tim?) showed up and asked us to dance (I say us because he couldn't decide on one of us). He began by hovering around Laverne all night. It was like he was her shadow.

We both danced with some interesting people. One guy tried to swing dance with me. I'm still not very good, but it was fun. He asked for my number and somehow I said yes because he was charming when he asked. I still haven't perfected saying no. Politely. I need to work on that. This guy sent me a text later to ask how old I was. He is younger than I am so I don't think I will be following up with him.

Tim asked me to dance during the night. We ended up playing pool while Laverne danced with several other guys. After the dance was over, Laverne was talking to a couple of guys which we can easily call Larry and Moe. Not that they resemble the stooges, but more because I like the names. Tim and I came down to find Laverne who introduced us to Larry and Moe. We started talking and they ended up walking us to our car. On the way we ran across a drunk guy. Glad we had L&M to walk us to our car. We talked to them for a little while and they asked us to go boating. We both declined. Nice guys. Older. Different. It was late. We headed home.

Here is where - for me - it takes a strange turn. Tim texts me. He is upset that I talked to Larry. I still can't figure out why. Apparently after many texts it all comes down to this. Tim thinks that Larry is inconsiderate. When Tim brings a girl to church Larry tries to put the moves on her. I'm guessing that some girls have responded to Larry's advances. This makes Tim unhappy. He asked me who I wanted to go out with first. What? I felt as though I was stuck in Junior High. He said that he didn't want to ask me out because I hadn't given him enough encouragement. Again...what? I told him that he needed to just be more direct. Man up. I didn't think that he would text me anymore. I stopped responding. He called. We talked. He wants to go dancing next weekend. Public place. Meet him there. What do you think? Should I have just said no?

Three things I learned this weekend:

1. Dancing is fun no matter what. Laverne and I had a great time.

2. I need to learn how to say no. Politely. I will start practicing now.

3. Drama is not just for us girls. It is really annoying. Stop immediately!

(Laverne) Amen!

These Might Come in Handy One Day...

Although neither Laverne nor myself need these right now, I have a feeling very soon that could change. It's better to Be Prepared don't you think.