Dating Coach / Training With Bert

Shirley and I had the opportunity to listen to a dating coach this week. Two of our guy friends even joined us - Chuck and Rick. The coach had some great advice on how to handle the initial meeting, the first 6 weeks (apparently that's the drop off curve), and "best practices" in between. She even addressed being rejected, and then how to reject in a positive way. All good info.

I loved that she was very clear about dating vs. hanging out. They are not the same. (Chuck - were you listening?) And that men and women both play different roles in the process. In order to be successful, you each have to play your part.

A few other items to note:

1. Make a top 10 list of traits you want your future partner to have. The top 5 items are something the person should already possess (and should never be compromised). Items 6-10 can be a work in progress.
2. Don't give the best of you to those who don't invest in you.
3. Continue dating. Don't get "exclusive" too soon. Keep your options open.
4. Act in Faith not Fear - if you do your part He will do His.
5. Remember the 1/3 rd vs. 2/3rd rule: There are more good men/women than jerks and hags. If all you see are the bad ones change your focus.
6. Tell yourself they're just practice. Don't let someone else define how you feel about yourself.
7. Take rejection as part of the process. If they say no, someone else will say yes.
8. Keep kissing to two minutes or less. (Avoid booty calls.)
9. Always leave them wanting more.
10. Enjoy the journey.

Putting this all into practice:

At one of the activities we attended in September I briefly met a guy - we'll name him Bert. Last month I ran into him again at a dance and had the opportunity to talk/dance with him for a bit. After this meeting he requested me to be his friend on FB. Since then, we have exchanged a few emails (all general "getting to know you" info). He is well educated, very kind, and seems to be a great guy.

This week he attended the Dating Coach presentation. She went really long because many people had a lot of questions. Towards the end I saw Bert get up and leave - which was disappointing because I hadn't been able to talk with him before it started. However, when it ended and I headed out of the room I saw that he was still there, just waiting in the hall.

I went right up to him and said hello. We talked for a minute about our birthdays this week (ours are a day a part). I didn't want him to feel like he had to talk to me all night, so after a few minutes I started the "great talking with you" line when he said "we should go do something to celebrate both our birthdays together."

To play my "part" I gave him a direct smile and said "We should. I would love to." Then left it at that. He made a point to talk to me a couple more times that night while everyone was mingling - even offering to get me a drink.

I received an email from him about 24 hours later (what the coach said was an appropriate amount of time to wait before calling/contacting) mentioning that he had a good time, and asking additional questions about my week. He didn't say anything specific about going out - so we'll see what happens. I'll let you know...

Laverne