I Just Had a Major Cleansing...It's Long Over Due!

Okay, not that kind of cleansing - although after all the junk I ate over the holiday, I could use it. No, I have officially purged all boys from my life. Meaning Henry and Patrick.

Patrick and I just sort of faded out of each other's lives. It worked for us, but me being me and not being able to just walk away without officially stating for the record that it was over and also leaving him feeling good about himself; I sent an email via Facebook. I told him that I think he is a great guy and I was glad for the opportunity I had to get to know him better. I finished with an open invite for food and games (namely chess or scrabble). Patrick replied with I think you're great too. I didn't want to do the fade out either. I plan on being hungry and wanting to play chess tomorrow. Can I call you? I told him sure. I thought one last hurrah! He came over and we ate dinner (probably one of my better meals - only because it looked as good as it tasted). We played chess - I NEVER win, so imagine my surprise and delight when I kicked his butt! It was the best way to end a relationship for sure.

Henry...I have been going in circles ever since the phone call out of the blue and the subsequent calls about how to melt chocolate, etc. I thought maybe he was trying to recycle into my life. Then maybe not, then yes, then no. It's really annoying to me and to my friends, I'm sure all the conversations we've had about this. I admit that idea really appealed to me. However, as I continued to think back on my dating experience with Henry and thought more about what I really want from the guy I am dating; I kept coming to the realization that the two things don't align with him. I had such a hard time coming to the conclusion because Henry has a couple really big things going for him. First, he is fully grounded in the gospel. This is HUGE for me. I need to know that I can trust the guy I am with and I felt confident that he could be trusted. That he would live the kind of life that could be trusted. Second, he was fun to be with and was really knowledgeable about lots of things that I'm not. I love a smart guy. Finally, the guy could sing. Which is totally dreamy. And he can play the guitar and the piano. Yeah. *Sigh* I know. After all that though and a few trips to the temple. The feeling came that it was time to let go. It has been easier to really let go this time. I think I needed all of this to be completely sure. So for that I am thankful.

I have decided to take a little boy break. I'm not putting a time limit on it. I just know that a little break will be good. I am, however, continuing to push Laverne into being more bold, daring and flirty with guys. I think it's starting to come back to her. Just like riding a bike. She's a little rusty, but quickly gaining confidence and speed. I am so excited to watch her go! She is someone I truly admire and look to for many things. It's nice to see her recognize all the beauty and sheer amazingness she has to offer.

I had a friend tell me the other day that 2011 is supposed to be my year - the year of the Rabbit. Lots of good luck and good things are supposed to be coming my way. I am looking forward to the new year and whatever it brings!

Shirley

I ♥ Henry's Dad

Henry's dad gave me his number at the fireside to help me with some questions about my mom's temple work. I ran into a little snag and actually called him. He was so nice about everything and said he was so glad that I called. He then said just between you and me - it was really nice to see you last night. I really wish that I got to see you more often. He then asked how I felt about his son. Then he said, "I'm not trying to stick my nose in, but..." I told him that I think Henry is amazing, but he broke up with me not the other way around. Then Henry's dad said, "well...you never know how things will end up." So true.

I have zero expectations from Henry. It was really nice to know that his dad clearly likes me. Which is a little surprising since we didn't spend that much time together. I think Henry is lucky to have such a great family. His dad is awesome. He asked me to call him back to let him know how I get my mom's work resolved. I think I will.

Shirley

My First Attempt at Living Confidently

Rick and I went to a regional mid-singles fireside on Sunday. Because Shirley was down south getting "closure" with Henry (until the next time he calls...right? I'll save that for another post) it was just us two. Even though Rick can be described as a security blanket, I was on my own and absolved of my "wing man" position - a place I comfortably hide behind.

That said, I wish Shirley could have been there. She would have been so proud. First, I sat with a guy from our institute class who before I had just spoken to a few times (Rick was on the stand helping with the program). Second, as soon as it was over, I started talking to a guy from the isle over, who introduced me to another guy (we talked for a while), who then walked me over to another group of friends...and on it goes. I kind of went from guy to guy for over an hour and a half. I talked. I smiled. I received a number of compliments (which always helps) and tried to talk about anything but work (my safe zone which puts me in business mode - which Shirley keeps telling me I need to break from in social situations). Admittedly, many were guys I knew or had met before, but there were a few new ones in the group too. It's a start, right?

At intervals through the night poor Rick would come stand by me, wonder if I was almost done, then walk off again. It ended with him finally just sitting between me and a new guy as we discussed the challenges of dating someone who lives an hour away (apparently if you live "far south" getting past the big city is too much trouble). However, before finally saying good night, the new guy did make sure he knew my last name so he could friend me on FB the next day (which he did).

I'm still trying to figure out my "flirt" mode (I don't giggle, and I like sarcasm), but I know I can do better. I had it down in college, but this stage of life just feels so different. Fortunately Shirley is very patient with me and my biggest cheerleader. I don't know what I would do without her. Even though she wasn't there physically, I could still picture her on my shoulder saying "Just go for it!"

Hopefully this New Year will bring more posts where I can say I finally started to do just that.

Laverne

Requested Rick Explanation

This is for my friend "C" who lives up north...

Yes, those pics include our friend Rick. Yes, he is way cute. Yes, we love being with him. No, there isn't any chemistry there. None. And I can tell you this because BOTH Shirley and I tested those lips. Here's the dirt:

At the New Year's party last year Rick laid one on me. I was totally taken back, and admit to laughing through some of it, but remember thinking that was fun in a "hey buddy" kind of way. He is so easy to be around and we jokingly flirt a lot, but that is easy to do because there really is nothing more there than friendship. Is it weird to say he is kind of like a brother after just admitting kissing him?

I will admit that Shirley and I have had this discussion a number of times, asking the question "why can't one of us like him that way?" Neither one of us has come up with an answer. We've also debated (still ongoing) what the best start for a relationship is - being a friend or a boyfriend. Either way, you definitely need chemistry, right?  I will say that hanging with Rick has been a big help in getting me comfortable with being around guys as a single person again. Plus, he is fun to look at.

As mentioned, we flirt with Rick a lot. Lately it has increased a bit between Rick and Shirley, where he was threatening to kiss her. Being tired of the "cry wolf" approach from Rick, Shirley took him up on his last threat and actually locked lips with him. I'll let her add details if she would like, but needless to say, it will never happen again.

If anything changes, we'll make sure to post it here. For now, does it help you to know that he and I have promised to marry each other if we're both still single when we turn 40? And yes, a pinkie pledge may have been involved in that agreement.

Laverne

Christmas Fireside

I went to dinner at my friends house last night. She lives out by Henry, who happened to be doing a fireside at the same church where I kissed him on the cheek (if you'd like to re-live that horribly embarrassing moment click here). I think I had resolved to go a while ago, but kept changing my mind for the last couple of weeks. I would think go and then don't do it and then go and then don't. I am happy that I went. I finally feel like I got the closure that I needed and feel better about everything.

The evening went something like this...I left late from my friends house, got lost and arrived 15 minutes late to the fireside. I so hate being late. I feel all frazzled and I don't like that. Henry was already playing. I thought this was a good thing because I figured I could sneak in and sneak out. Which was my original plan...mostly. After it was over. I was getting ready to leave when a girl came up to me and said Hi. I met her last time and Henry were at that church and had ice cream at her house. I really liked her and thought she was so nice for coming to say Hi. She and I talked for a while and she is the kind of girl that I would be friends with. She said let's go say Hi to Henry. I really just wanted to leave at that point, but she said you drove all this way, let's at least say Hi. Can't argue with that. More on this in a minute...

Henry's dad and step mom were up front waiting to talk to Henry as well. They both remembered me and asked me questions about the kids and my Christmas plans. They were both so sweet and it reminded me how much I really love Henry's family. Since Henry's dad is in the temple presidency, I asked him a question about sealing my mom to her parents. I have a complicated family tree. He was so awesome to answer all the questions I had and then he even gave me his phone number so I could call him to get more help. He kept saying call me and I will talk you through it. So funny. As he was leaving he said to me - it's REALLY nice seeing you here. It's REALLY nice seeing you again. I'm glad that Henry's dad liked me.

Henry and I talked a little after the fireside. He said that he was trying to find me a present the other day. Apparently last year he found chocolate potato chips and thought I would enjoy them. Because two of my favorite things are chocolate and potato chips. Sad but true. As he was walking me to my car, he said that his dad asks him all the time about me and how I'm doing. I asked him if he told him he broke up with me. He said yes, but he still asks anyway. Hahahaha!  Henry then gave me three hugs and kept saying that he was glad to see me. Then he said if you don't have plans over Christmas give me a call and we can go do something, like go to a concert. Huh? I wished I would have said if you are serious, give me a call and we'll see if we can coordinate. I didn't.

It was a good to see him and I feel better about it. It's almost like I can stop wondering and feel like I finally have closure as I said before. It was a great fireside and it does make me feel good knowing his family really liked me.

Shirley

Live Confidently

Laverne and I have adopted a new motto...we are trying to embrace this motto now, but have promised each other that beginning 2011 this is how we will live. LIVE CONFIDENTLY!

I love the simplicity of this statement, yet the meaning is anything but. To me living confidently will be living with faith not fear, understanding my identity is complete as I am now, learning to THINK things through rather than FEEL them through.

To catch you up on my dates...Aussie was fun. He left though and I'm not sure if he will be back or when he will return. Thanks to facebook, I do think we will keep in touch.

The younger guy was nice. He was pleasant, courtesy, funny and sweet. I had a good night out - it didn't end with me crying in the bathroom so that's good. He asked me out again and to be honest...I could take him or leave him. However, in the spirit of giving people a second chance and also giving myself the opportunity to try again, I said yes. We'll see. I know it will be fun and nice, but not sure if there's anything else.

Henry...well? What can I say? He called me again. He was supposed to stop by, but was running late (not really surprising). He sent me a Thanksgiving Day message and he has invited me to a couple of his Christmas shows. Again? I don't know what to say. Other than we'll see what happens.

Patrick...I think I need to break up. I just don't know how. I am conflicted and I wish there was another way. I think that we need a break and maybe he and I will recycle into each other's lives again - someday? Not really sure if that's his style, but I think a little time and distance for us will make things more clear. He clearly demonstrated his interest in me and was really attentive and fun and we had a really good time together - however, all good things must come to an end. I can't date him exclusively and knowing he is dating other girls is really hard. Now I have to figure out how to say I like you, but I can't date you right now. It's not you it's me. The timing isn't right? Or something equally lame. Wish me luck.

The best news of this whole thing however, is I think Shirley is finally convinced that she needs to be a little more flirty. I have challenged her to step (baby steps) a little out side her wall of armor, shed a little piece of the armor and try her charm on someone safe. I am hoping that she is serious about this experiment. I think it's time. More importantly I think she knows it's time. Wish her luck too! She is amazing - she just needs to own it now!

Shirley

Birthday Update...Three Dates - Three Days!

Aussie called and asked me out, again...because I may have sent him a message saying he needed to collect his prize from Laverne's party (more on that later). The younger guy from church that I met recently asked me out as well. And finally Patrick asked me to go out on Saturday. It's a busy week of dating. Which is going to be fun, I think? Henry called me a couple days ago to ask me a baking question. One that everyone I have talked to said he could have googled the answer to, asked someone else (his sister), or should have just known already (thank you, Laverne). It may be a thinly veiled attempt to find a legitimate reason to call me. I'm trying not to wonder what it means, if anything, but it is difficult not to. I guess with Henry we will see what his intent is...by the year 2012, hopefully, sometime? Aussie is headed back to his homeland, so nothing going to happen there. The younger guy, I'm guessing, is not a love connection for either of us. Patrick...I like him, but know that I cannot date him seriously right now. I wish I could though.

Patrick and I have a great connection, he is fun, charming, easy to be with and talk to. I have been able to communicate more openly with him than many others and we have great chemistry together (sometimes a little too much chemistry). I am trying to make some decisions about him. I like what we are doing, but it does have some draw backs. We are both dating other people. When I hear that he has other dates - it's like a punch in the gut. I hate that feeling. I know that not getting serious with him is the right answer for now, but I feel like there needs to be a destination with this. Right now it feels like we are just dating with no purpose. I think I am too old to date without purpose. Although, maybe I am learning how to wait for the answers to come and having time learning how to communicate better with guys. Both good things, for now.

Henry...I feel like I need a do-over. I know that I was a ball of anxiety and nerves dating him. I continued to be surprised that he would ask me out again. To be honest, it was surprising, not because I'm not fun to be with, more because of the way I was around him. Which is not myself. I am usually fun and lively, but I would get tongue tied and totally nervous. I have to say there was a lot of hype and build up about Henry and finally meeting him was a big deal. I forgot to relax and be myself. I would like to see what it is to date Henry when I am more truly at ease. I think it would be an entirely different dating experience. The good thing about Henry is he is the kind of guy that you could trust 100%. I need a guy like that in my life. His spiritual side is the biggest attraction for me. I don't know if he is right for me, but I would like the chance to try again. However, my situation hasn't changed and so if he still is not ready for my life then there is no point in going on another date with him.

Aussie...I think he is really interesting. I don't know him very well, but I like what I know about him so far. He will be coming back sometime next year, and we are friends on Facebook, so I guess we'll see what happens with him. I am looking forward to our date this week. I like second dates better than first dates. They feel a little more comfortable for some reason.

Now...Laverne's birthday! I had so much fun. Laverne is one of those girls that doesn't need to be the center of attention, but she certainly comfortable being there. It's one of those qualities that I love about her. We had a week long celebration. The highlights for me were - the show we went to (just the two of us), Sushi and more sushi, especially the special roll the chefs created just for her. The party, friends that joined us and watching Laverne getting kissed by every guy that came. I have photographic proof of this too! Having people pick a song that reminded them of Sara - best one, hands down...Love Shack, B-52's. Forcing everyone to watch the DVD of Laverne's life and seeing everyone realize how amazing and inspiring Laverne is. I've said it many times before, but Laverne is quite the example to me. She has accomplished so much in her short life. She is beautiful, poised, sarcastic, witty, honest, strong and faithful. To quote a line from the song I chose to describe her this year...I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me. It's so sad she don't see what I see. You're amazing - Just the way you are! Happy Birthday, Laverne!

Christmas Comes Early

My visit with Henry, was a typical visit with Henry. He came late at night and tornadoed in and tornadoed out. I call him the tornado because it's like a big flurry of activity, that touches down for a second and then runs off in a hurry. We talked about the New York trip. He asked if Rick and Laverne were dating or interested in each other (which totally made me laugh). I guess he thought it was strange for a guy to come with us that neither one of us is interested in. Kind of hard to explain our "relationship" with Rick. I guess it is sort of unique.

It was good to see him. He had on something other than his cargo pants and black shirt. Which was funny because usually I am dressed up and he isn't. However, today I decided to just wear what I had on. Jeans, t-shirt and my running jacket - super casual. My thoughts about Henry are still unclear at this point. I don't really understand what is swirling around in his head. He said that he would tell me when his Christmas concerts are. Great? I feel like I've been here before. I was working on some birthday things for Laverne - because in case you don't know her birthday is coming up- SOON! Henry said is it Laverne's birthday everyday? Last year, Henry had dropped by when I was preparing for Laverne's birthday as well. Kind of funny. It did feel a little deja vu.

Looking forward to fun weekend with friends celebrating one amazing woman!

Shirley

So...Well...Umm...It's Been a While

Hey Everyone! Did you miss us? Laverne and I have been busy and really haven't had much to write about. We had a fabulous trip to New York. Where good things happened everyday. It was one of the best trips I have been on. Rick went with us - confirming that he is one great guy, that I have zero chemistry with.

I am still dating Patrick, but I have been on a date with Aussie. I met a new guy at a fireside. He sent me a very direct email saying that he was interested in getting to know me better and if I was interested in him to send him an email and my phone number. He said I know you don't want to waste my time or yours so let's not play games. I liked his direct approach. I took a couple days and thought about it and sent him my number. He has sent me a few text messages and we ended up at a Halloween party together. We danced and that was it. He sent me an email saying it was good to see me, but no follow up. Strange...for someone who was so direct he seems to have backed off a little. Which is not a bad thing.

My date with Aussie was fun and easy. We went to dinner and then ended up "parked" at a local historical site overlooking the valley. It was really pretty and we sat in his car and talked and listened to his ipod. A tour bus pulled up and a group of people started getting off. I said to Aussie, "quick start breathing really hard, let's fog up the windows and rock the car." I thought I was funny. I'm not quite sure what Aussie thought. He is headed back to his homeland for a while, but will be returning at the beginning of next year.

Patrick and I have been doing lots of things together. Getting to know each other better, but I am still concerned about him and I can tell that I am holding myself back emotionally with him. I still have some thinking to do about this situation.

Yesterday...Well...got a call from Henry. Yep. Henry. He seems to pop back into my life at the most random times. He is going to be stopping by today or tomorrow to give me his new CD. I am super excited about the music, not so excited about his visit. Why you ask? I look like a bloated goat right now and my face looks like a seventh grader (you know - pimply and red). Yay! For me and my visit with Henry when I am looking and feeling my best. It really is kind of funny. I thought maybe if I did my hair and applied a little make-up it might help. So far, I think I look like a kid that tried to apply make-up (can you say Clown face - only not the funny clown, more the deranged, scary clown). If I dress up, I think my look will be complete. Think sad homecoming queen loser, standing in the rain, runny make-up, soggy, wet hair, kind of half done in her prom dress, trying to smile. Yep. That's me today. Should be fun. I'm sure today will be the day that he decides to visit. Except...sometimes things come up and he has to change days. I think maybe one more day would help with the face and bloating. Also, I will have more time to get ready. Really, I shouldn't worry about it, right? It's just Henry. I still am a little neurotic about him. I know I should get over it and that it really means nothing to him, but these phone calls and gestures make me wonder. And I really shouldn't be wondering. It's over, he broke up with me and I need to let it go. But...where's the fun in that?

Check back tomorrow or the next day for an update.

Shirley

A Little Update

Patrick and I have come to a crossroads of sorts. We haven't known each other for very long and I feel that moving forward too quickly is not a great idea. I am still having fun getting to know him. We are not dating exclusively and yet, we see each other quite a bit or talk on the phone almost every night. He is a great guy. There is definitely something about him. However, I want to protect myself and so I've decided to slow things down a bit. Luckily, he is gone this weekend and I am gone the next and then out for a quick trip with Laverne. I have some thinking to do.

The Australian boy called me the other day - still don't know what to think about him. I figure he would have called sooner if he was actually interested in getting to know me better. I guess we see.

Shirley

Because Today I Could Use a Little Love Protection

Something So Sweet

Patrick stopped by the house on his way out of town with flowers in hand. Seriously. I haven't gotten flowers from a guy for a really long time. I'm not really a flower girl (meaning, I think there are better ways to spend your money but...) I appreciate the thoughtfulness of them. My grandma has been sick for a couple of days and I went to visit her in the hospital today. She doesn't look good, I'm worried. Patrick sent me a text message that I got right as I was leaving the hospital. It was perfect timing. Just a sweet message. So the flowers were a follow up to our earlier messages.

Before Patrick arrive at my house, my in-laws showed up. They occasionally stop by to see the grand kids. It was so nice of them to come and my kids love having them come over. Patrick arrived a few minutes later. I think this could have been one of those awkward moments, but I kept Patrick out on the front porch (not really ready to introduce him to the kids) and grandpa and grandma stayed inside with the kids. It was just a quick hello/good-bye with Patrick. He said he'd call me sometime this weekend. He is headed home for a backpacking trip with his family. They are going to bury a time capsule for his brother that recently died.

He really is such a sweet guy and I totally love his blue eyes. Today he showed up with that five o'clock shadow thing going on which I love. I'm having fun and really enjoying this dating experience.

Shirley

PS - to all you girls who have stalked him on facebook: keep all the comments coming; I love all the emails that I have been getting.

The Mormon Bachelorette...

click here for link

Please tune in to this. I love the idea. Watch the videos. Hilarious! Good Luck Aubrey! I hope it works out for you...

Shirley

I Now Dub Thee...

Ok. So I got a few comments from friends and it has been suggested that Jason be changed to Patrick largely due to this comment.

So from now on and I will go back and change it officially in the other posts Jason will be Patrick. Which I guess fits him better.

Shirley

Oh My Friends Make Me Laugh

Just a little funny text message...Patrick (according to one great friend - who has been stalking him on facebook) said he looks like Wolverine (he has a beard in one photo) and McDreamy (a little scruffy) in another photo.

So...she sent me a text message that said - If you marry this guy and he wants to have kids, I'll have one at the same time. Then came...I'm predicting two boys for you - you can name them Hugh and Patrick.

Shirley

Can I See Some ID Please Ma'am?

Saturday night I had an activity for my church calling. It was a huge group thing. We had a great turn out. After, I organized a group of friends to get some Pizza and play night games. Patrick needed a ride home because his roommate conveniently left him there. I drove him home. We sat out in my car talking for a while. We weren't able to park in the driveway because there wasn't any space left. I had to park across the street at the neighbors house. I only mention this because of what happened next.

A little while later a car slowly pulled into the neighborhood and drives by us. It was a police car. We watched it and I thought I bet they are going to turn around and come back. Sure enough. The car pulled to the end of the street, flipped around and pulled in behind us. The policewoman got out of the car and asked us if everything was ok. Yes. We're just talking (and that's all we were doing). She made a point to make eye contact with me and asked again if everything was ok. I said yes. She then said that they had gotten a call about a suspicious vehicle parked out here. Sweet. I have a suspicious vehicle. Or maybe I am suspicious. I swear to you we were not steaming up the windows or being inappropriate in any way. Just taking. She asked for our ID's and then said good night. Luckily since we're older, no curfew. Seriously though it was super embarrassing and that has NEVER happened to me before.

Patrick sent me a text message Sunday that said - I hope you are being good today so you don't get in trouble with the coppers again. Nice.

He also stopped by my house with food Sunday night. It was well after my kids had gone to sleep so it felt ok to invite him in. He made me a fruit salad. Aww. He's adorable. We ended up talking for a few hours. He feels comfortable the way the Rick feels comfortable. Only I have a spark with him. I even felt okay asking him personal questions. I am really having a great time getting to know him. Patrick is totally not what I expected him to be. He is smart, funny, and he can be serious when the moment calls for it. He is totally goofy and silly too! I thought he would just be goofy, some young guy that would be fun to go on a date with. It's been surprising, completely unexpected and...I think...actually...yeah...I like it.

Shirley

I Have a Headache and I Need Some Sushi...Say What?

This day is so bizarre. I know that guys do NOT micro-analyze all of this stuff like we girls do, but I was hanging out with my cousin and her cute babies when my phone rang. My cousin said I like your ringtone. I looked at her and said, "There is only one person who has this ring tone, however, he rarely called me when we were dating." I kept thinking I didn't assign it to anyone else did I? I look down at my phone and there is his picture...Henry. What? What? WHAT?

I answer the phone and he said hey how's it going? You've been on my mind, I just got out of a recording session and was talking to some friends of mine. Apparently his friends have a son that has really bad eczema. So does mine. We must have discussed this at some point. I don't remember that conversation. He called to tell me about this natural treatment that worked for this other family. He wanted to pass on their information to me if I was interested in how they dealt with it. Huh? Ok. Thanks Henry. We talk a little longer. He tells me about his birthday trip. I talk about my New York trip coming up. He informs me that he is coming to a fireside I have set up in October. His parting comment is I'll see you in October and we can hang out after. I'm looking forward to seeing you. I know he is going to Europe to finish recording music for his new CD. I totally forgot to ask when or inquire about how his music was going. His music was partly responsible for our break up.

I'm trying hard not to read anything into this and not overly analyze or think about it. However, let me say. After we broke up, I am embarrsed to actually admit this, but I may (or may not) have secretly stalked Henry on facebook. You know casually glancing at his page once (or twice a day). Stalking all the girls he friends. Filling in all the details on each girl and what Henry thought of her and spending way too much time thinking about it and him and what he was doing. Seriously - it took me a little while to stop doing this and cut it down to once a week and not looking at the girls he is friending. Then I get the Happy Birthday message. I get over it. Then a month later I run into him at the FHE activity. Then a week ago I posted a picture on facebook and Henry makes an innocent comment a small exchange is made between he and I and wham! I'm sucked back in to wondering what he is doing. Again. Trying not read anything into it. It probably means nothing to him except a friend contacting another friend. Nothing more. We both agreed to remain friends and I feel like this is his way of remaining friendly. I have had time to come to terms with his decision and I know that it was the right decision. I really had strong feelings for Henry, but there were a few things that I didn't love about him. Not deal breakers, just things that were mildly irritating.

I realize that everyone has something that is going to be mildly irritating. The thing you have to do is accept the irritation, deal with it, work it out, talk about it and move on. It's really about finding someone who's irritation is acceptable to you and something you can live with forever.

I have been reading the book Marry Him. It's given me quite a bit to think about. The idea of doing this again is becoming less scary to me. The thought of having another relationship and possibly finding someone to share my life with. There is a section in the book titled: Love is timing, a verb and a noun. It goes on to talk about what love is. It's not the fireworks (although they are nice). "You love someone by honoring them, cherishing them, caring for them." It's not just passion. The point was made "if you have everything you need in a relationship, but you're just not feeling it anymore, maybe you're focusing too much on whether you're in love (the noun) and not making enough of an effort to love (the verb) your partner. There's an aspect of love (the verb) that's a choice." This made me think of something my sister in law said, "you have to wake up everyday and choose to be married and choose to love the one you're with." The timing part is finding someone who's ready to take the next step the same time you are.

Well, that's my day so far...I now really do have a headache and think I need to go get some sushi. However, I may just curl up with a good book and stay in. Thinking about a question that was posed to me: If Henry asks me out again would I go? I'm not sure...my answer is yes and no. I really think the best option is not to worry about it unless it actually happens. It will keep me from being less neurotic. What are your thoughts? Advice?

Shirley

It Started with Juice and Ended with a Kiss...

Yeah. I know. I can't believe it either. Patrick asked me to get a Jamba Juice with him last night and I said sure. My kids are having a little Ned time (aka Dad) so I was free and didn't have any plans. I thought it's just a smoothie right? Well...we sat there and talked for two hours and then he said that he wanted to go for a walk or a drive or something. I was game so I said ok. Well we ended up talking in the Target parking lot (try to not be jealous of this romantic rendezvous) for another hour. I told him I should probably go because I was going to borrow a Halloween costume from a friend. We started driving home, but swung by his place to get some veggies he has just picked from his ward garden.

He drops me off at home and we stood there on my doorstep talking again. I know he was really hungry (he has diabetes so he should eat on a regular schedule). So. I am standing there thinking I really should just invite him in and make him dinner. I really love to cook and I know I have stuff in my fridge that could make a decent meal. So I did.

Let me say here. Earlier today, Laverne and I were talking and she gave me the advice that I need to not be so uptight (my word, not hers) about Patrick and just see what happens.

I made dinner. Then we sat on my couch and talked for a few more hours (the date lasted 7 hours). He has blue eyes and I am a sucker for guys with blue eyes. He also has great hair and that slightly scruffy thing going on. Anyway. We are sitting there talking and then... he... leaned in... and kissed me. And kissed me and *sigh* kissed me.

So that's how my night went, how was yours?

Shirley

Story of my life.

Here is another one for the books.

The weekend Shirley and I went to the lake included more than just a relaxing couple of days on the beach, talking to guys with Australian accents, and checking out those with nice pecs. It also included a rather awkward espionage moment. I'm thinking the many Alias episodes we've watched help us get through the event. Or maybe it was just dumb luck. Fortunatley there wasn't a need to speak Russian.

Let me remind you about Hugh. I have a friend who works with him and has been excited to set us up. According to her, he is about 40, has two boys (one on a mission and one in high school), is recently divorced and ready to get out again. Without getting too personal, apparently his wife has some issues that made most of their life difficult and he finally felt he was at a place in life where he could initiate the divorce and move on with his. He has been in a couple of Bishoprics and has a strong people personality. I've heard many great things about the kind of person he is and how he treats others. He has also been very successful in his business and is currently adding to his "empire."

One of those additions is a restaurant.

A few days before this weekend, my friend mentioned that Hugh would be in town. (He had been in CA working on his properties there and launching his new yacht. No, I am not kidding.) Because he needed to be at his new restaurant (in UT) for a photoshoot, she suggested it might be a great weekend for he and I to meet. (His actual home is in ID.) Because it is located in a place on our way to the lake, I said she could definitely mention the possibility to him. However, there were a lot of things he had scheduled on his way through UT that weekend, and said that he would prefer to schedule time with me in a few more weeks when he came through again, so he could be more relaxed and have the opportunity to get to know me.

That worked for me.
Or so I thought...

On our way to the lake we had to stop for some groceries (Shirley, Rick, Roger and I). It also happened to be dinner time and we decided it would be best to just grab something to eat before making the rest of the drive up. When deciding where to eat, Shirley and I both smiled and casually suggested a restaurant just across the parking lot. Yep, the one that happened to be owned by Hugh.

I will disclaim here: Knowing he had a busy weekend and plans to finish his drive home the next day, I never imagined he would actually be hanging out there all evening. I was wrong.

We walked in, ordered our food and sat down. Fortunately we were able to get a good table in the back corner with a full view of the restaurant. After sitting for a few minutes, I noticed a guy walk in who looked about 40 and could possible be "management." I was content to quietly observe because I only had a name for Hugh, and really nothing much to go by physically. As I was trying to subtly check him out, another guy walked in who was dressed similarly, but was definitely older, and clearly in charge. I'll also mention the bad hair now. I'm talking hair piece bad.

While I was now less subtly analyzing the two players, my salad had been delivered and I noticed there was no dressing. Shirley, following all of this, jumped up and went to the older gentleman (hair guy) to ask for some dressing. During the hand-off she was also able to get a clear view of his name tag. It said Hugh. And to be extra helpful, just below the name it actually said "owner."

Not bad for unplanned, unskilled, and unsophisticated.

Once I finally stopped laughing (the soda through your nose kind of laugh) and started eating my salad, I realized what a bad situation this could turn into. First of all Rick & Roger had no idea what was going on and could say anything (they were noticing his bad hair too). Second, Hugh may have seen a picture of me and he looked like the kind of guy to remember a face (successful business guy trait). Third, Shirley and I looked like we were on a date with R&R, so fourth, what if he came up to our table? How would I handle that? Should I introduce myself? Confess to idiocy? What!? He was doing the owner thing and talking with everyone to make sure their food was good, they had what they needed, and offering the "thanks for coming in" piece. I could definitely see what my friend meant by describing him as a people person.

I shouldn't have been surprised then when he did make it to our table. After making sure we had enough dressing he offered us popsicles (part of their grand opening event) and wished us a good evening. I just sat there looking at the table with what could only be described as the "deer in headlights" look. Fortunately the whole episode lasted less than a minute. Or was it a lifetime? I had clearly chosen to pretend I wasn't there rather than actually introduce myself like a mature, stable, adult.

Once we finally made it out (with only a little suspicion from R&R because they are used to abnormality from Shirley and I), I wasn't quite sure what to do. This put me in "disaster clean-up" mode and I decided I needed to know if he had seen a picture of me. If so, then I needed to be prepared to confess the first time we spoke - just to clear the air. If not, then I could probably get away with not mentioning it. Ever. So, after checking with my friend (and confessing all the horrid details to her) I found out that we can all just pretend this never happened.

To summarize, Shirley got a good look at his face (during name tag scan) and said he had nice eyes, and was pretty cute. Fortunately hair is cosmetic. And can be shaved. He did look a bit older than expected so it will be interesting to get an actual age from him. However, if he does decide to call, I'm sure it will be an interesting night out. Not only because he is older, and professionally in a unique place, but because I'll keep thinking about the first time we met - and hoping he never has to know about it.

Laverne

Going on a Treasure Hunt!

Patrick called me to confirm the date Thursday night and he said, "So are you ready to take a chance on this young buck?" I said yes. Saturday night we went to dinner and then went on a treasure hunt. Actually it was Geo caching. If you haven't been you should do it. It was a really fun first date. It was interactive and exciting when you find the site and discover the container.

I didn't embarrass myself this time and I didn't notice the age difference. He is really personable. He can hold his own in the conversation. He looks at you when he is talking to you. He was polite with the server at the restaurant and he opened all my doors for me (funny the things you notice). Which, the door opening, isn't something all guys do anymore. I know. I know. They should. I don't expect them to open when getting out of the car, but getting into the car and going into the places I think it's nice. Are you with me on this?

He recently lost his youngest brother in a car accident. We talked about our mutual loss. It's nice to have someone understand what that is like. He sang in a band in high school. He had some of the songs he sang on his ipod. I got to hear them. Umm...punk rock band. Kind of funny.

He asked me out again and I said yes. One great comment. My friend "R" gave me permission to not wait for six months before the first kiss in fact she said - you can kiss him on the first date. I love this girl! So funny.

I saw Patrick on Sunday at a fireside and he made it a point to come and talk to me and again said that he wanted to go out with me again. He asked if Saturday I could go - I have an activity, but we thought maybe after we could get some dessert or something.

Shirley

Institute - Woot Woot!

I need to start with a disclaimer: I really do go to Institute because it is a nice spiritual pick me up in the middle of the week. I can't help it if I have met a few interesting guys as well. Not all of the guys are interesting, but there are a few. This is going to be a longer post because I have to give a little background to catch everyone up.

A few weeks ago, while sitting in the parking lot of the church building, I accidentally and embarrassingly honked at a guy. Let me explain. I didn't mean to honk at him. I was reaching in the back of my car for my purse so I could get out my lip gloss. As I was reaching back with my right hand my left hand slid down the steering wheel and when I sat up (I really had to reach) I was off balance a little and my left hand tried to grab for something only to...well - HONK! I look up and standing there is this cute guy. Our eyes meet - mine with panic and dismay - his with surprise and humor. Oh no! That did NOT just happen. Actually it did. Shoot! Just my luck.

I slink into class and sit on the back row hoping to avoid any type of contact with this guy (who will be named Steve). After class I was mingling a little with Rick and Steve comes over and makes a joke about being honked at. Oh thank you so much. Can you just kill me now? I recover and say well at least tell me your name so in the future I will know who I am honking at. Steve and I are now friends on Facebook.

This morning I get a message that Steve had made a comment on a photo of mine. When I look at the picture it is from Henry's fireside last year. It's a picture of me and two guys. The comment was: "Wow! You know Patrick? We're going to be roommates in a couple of weeks." I don't really know Patrick, but I do remember him. I remember him because at the time I thought he was really cute. He has dark hair and blue eyes. I ♥ boys with dark hair and blue eyes. I talked to him a bit, but was pretty focused on Henry that night and the fact that I finally got to meet him. I didn't really pay attention to anyone else. I pretty much had tunnel vision straight to Henry.

We had a social after Institute and I was talking to Steve when he said, "Oh you guys know each other right?" I look over and there is Patrick. I remembered his name because of the photo I saw earlier. We started talking and I think he is charming and funny and so cute. Well...I say we should be friends on facebook so I can tag your photo. He said ok. I sent the request - thank you iPhone. I had to go to a meeting and as I was leaving and I said to Patrick - don't forget to accept my friend request tonight. He started walking with me and said I don't think that will be enough for me? What? I said. He responded with I think we should go out. What are you doing this weekend? I had to pause. He asked about Saturday night. I am free. I have a family party, but can go after. Great said Patrick. I give him my number. I then really look at him and I say - how old are you? Why? Comes the response. Oh, no. I think I may be older than you. He is 29! 29! I am shaking my head right now. I look at him and say I am older than you. Are you sure you want to go out. Patrick's response: I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't want to. Ok. I really wished that we were at least in the same decade. But...I am going to give it a shot. He is cute and I am actually looking forward to this date. He knows that I am divorced and have three kids and he knew that before he asked me out. I really appreciate the fact that he was confident enough to just ask. Instead of waiting for weeks and weeks of seeing each other. I give him points for that. Also, I really loved his response when I he found out I am older. I'm going to give it a whirl and see how it goes.

One last embarrassing detail. After I found out I am older than he is. I looked at him and said with much dismay - Oh you are so cute! I just said that out loud. I have to go. Why am I such an idiot? I need a better filter on my mouth. Wish me luck!

Shirley

Three More Calls from the "Smart Guy" and other Fun

Sunday afternoon I received three more calls from the smart guy. Seriously! I purposely didn't answer the first two calls. I then felt obligated to call him back to give him the correct information. He didn't answer, but called me back because of a miscommunication (my fault). I finally talked to him and it was another stellar conversation.

Laverne and I went on a Mid Singles weekend o'fun! I had a great time. We were trying to cheer up Roger, who recently got dumped. Rick was in a bad mood due to work problems. Laverne and I were a little cranky to begin with (possibly PMS) so you can see why this weekend was a great idea!

I got to leave early - but did have a great conversation with a guy from Australia, who shall this day forward be called, Aussie. Super original and very fitting. He has the greatest accent. I totally could talk to him all night. He told Laverne and I that if we were to go to Australia that the guy's there would love us. Yes, please. We are now planning a trip for next year. Early. Hopefully. Aussie did ask for my number and said that he would call and take me out. I would like to go out with him, so I hope he calls.

Shirley

Henry the II Part Dos...

I decided my bad mood and attitude needed to be adjusted and to brave another date with Henry the II. He is really nice. He's a little quiet, nerdy and just plain strange. But who isn't. On the positive side - he is easy to talk to, dinner wasn't awkward or uncomfortable and he likes some of the same things that I do.

He asked me if I would like to go out again and I didn't have the heart to say no to his face. I'm trying to figure out why I don't want to spend anymore of my time getting to know him. I am just missing that intangible thing that creates the desire to want to continue getting ready for and finding a babysitter for, and spending time away from my kids to go on a date with him. I'm trying to formulate a response if and/or when he calls me. I think about Laverne's kissable test and he fails. I think there is a reason that he has lived here for as long as he has and is still single. I know that we are all strange in our own way, but I think there comes a time when people have been single too long. He is reaching his expiration or sell by date.

I did hear something over the weekend that made me pause and rethink my situation. A friend was talking to me about my kids. I understand that because I have them there will be guys that don't want to date me. I get it. I do. I wouldn't change having my kids; I feel they are the best part of me. My friend looked at me and said "You have gift with purchase". I love this phrase. It's true. They are a gift. One I am lucky to have.

So for now, the brother of my friend (who I guess should get a name) called to ask me out, but I had the date with Henry II lined up. He is going out of town and said he would call when he gets back. Josh from California stopped by on his way back to Cali and spent some time with Laverne and I. A new guy from our Institute class started texting me. He is funny and a little quirky. I think he may be more scared of dating than Laverne and I.

This weekend Laverne and I will be heading to a singles gathering. Hopefully we come home with some fun new friends, good stories and possibly a love connection.

Shirley

Surprisingly, Not So Bad...And Then...

I went out with a friend's brother. I was a little apprehensive, due to the sort of bad luck dating I've been having, but the date was fun. We went to a game and it was easy to talk to him, he made me laugh with his stories and I would go out with him again.

I've decided that this things seem to go better when you have no expectations and a positive attitude. We'll see if he asks me out again. A little side note: this friend told me that this guy has been struggling with church activity. Which concerns me.

Ok... Mr. Smarty Pants called again. Sunday afternoon while sitting at church Smart Guy called again. I didn't call him back until this morning. Thinking that he needed help with an activity or something. He asked me to call him back. I did...The reason he called?

"I shouldn't have called you. I was just feeling lonely. I like my privacy sometimes, but other times the loneliness just gets to me. I have a condition that is making it hard for me to meet people. Did I tell you about it? I don't seem to age. At all. I only look 30, but I'm going to be 54 pretty soon. I went to a Ward camp out recently and I was trying to hang out with the people my own age and they kept pushing me toward the 40 year olds and then they pushed me toward the 30 year olds and then a guy in my ward who has the same condition as I do said let's go play soccer with the high school kids. I did for like four hours and then everyone was asking me when I graduated from college and high school and I told everyone how old I was, but no one believed me. I had to take out my driver's license and pass it around. I have just been lonely lately and I called you. I probably shouldn't have bothered you, but I just wanted someone to talk to. Sometimes the loneliness just gets to me. School starts in two days, so I will have something to do. I hope that I will see you at an activity. Thanks for calling me back."

Yikes!!! I think next time I will just ignore the call. Your thoughts?

Shirley

Marry Him

Have any of you heard of this book? I saw it at the library, and will probably check it out next week. Shirley and I have one friend who read it (also a mid-single mom) who said it definitely gave her something to think about.

The sub-head is what got my attention, and at first I thought "I DO NOT want to settle, or feel like I have to." However, a review also got my attention, which defined a version of "settling" that is worth considering:

"I wish I could round up every single woman I know and assign this book for discussion. Gottlieb helps women see how our cultural or private fantasies build up so many expectations that they destroy the possibility of real love and, eventually, marriage. Marry Him is a big fat lesson in how not to get in your own way. Any woman who wants to find true love and hasn't been able to should read this book."

—Pepper Schwartz, Ph.D., relationship expert at Perfectmatch.com

I'll let you know if I read it, and any interesting points I pull from it. If you have read it, feel free to throw your input our way as well.

Laverne

A Post Script to Laverne's Update

I realized there were a couple of other outstanding items I forgot to update you with in my last post, so here goes:

John is engaged. He is one of the fun guys we met in CA. We're not sure about the details (even Josh didn't have much to add), but we do know he wasn't able to come to UT for the bike ride (somewhat vague on his reason) and this seems to be why. He posted the announcement on FaceBook with a picture of him and his fiance' at the jewelry store. It's a great pic and they both have big grins. It all seemed to happen pretty quickly, but I guess when it's right, it's right. It will be fun to hear wedding details and we wish him the best!

It has been a while since I have heard from Ben. We exchanged some fun emails (including one with a list of personality questions we both answered), but haven't communicated much since. I know he is busy with work and traveling quite a bit this summer, so I haven't been comfortable sending a random "how's it going" email. I don't want to bug him. However, I am comfortable letting him know the next time we head to CA, and had given him an open invitation to call if he ever makes it to UT. So, we'll see if any of that ever happens. Either way, glad to have had a positive experience to kick off my new "dating attitude" with. Still smiling.

I guess I'll bring up Hugh here as well. Hugh is someone I am being set up with by a friend from work. He has an interesting background (all very positive) and comes highly recommended. My friend and I have had a couple of very open talks about him and it seems Hugh and I have many similarities in personality, life/religious goals, and what we are looking for in a relationship. My friend is a very positive and complimentary person, so I hope I can live up to the kind things she has said about me to him.

Long story short (which I'll elaborate on if we actually end up going out) is Hugh is out of town for work until mid-August, but is interested in meeting me. He is a little older (40) with 2 older children and is recently divorced (but has been separated for quite a while). So, at the very least, maybe I can give him a few tips and help ease him into the mid-singles dating world.

I'll let you know if he calls!

Laverne

Another Pathetic Update by Laverne

I didn't realize how long it had been since I've thrown out an update on all the exciting activity I've been enjoying. Probably because there hasn't been any.

I don't know about you, but I have been enjoying watching Shirley's recent crazy adventures - especially her online quest. I can't say I have been convinced to join, but I have definitely been entertained. It has also helped me brush up on my acting skills...so I can make that critical phone call requiring Shirley to have to run home. Fast. From the old creepy guy who was supposed to be a lot younger, and taller.

However, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for her. Online dating has definitely taught us a few things about dating in general, and introduced her to new people (just not sure we'll be inviting them to our next party). I give her a ton of credit for daring to do this and accepting a few dates just to give it a shot.

Speaking of that...

Lyle, the "Semi-blind date guy" who I thought was a telemarketer, actually called back that next week. It took him a few days to specifically ask me out (after another couple nights of texting), but he finally did.

My experience was a bit opposite of Shirley's. Lyle was actually a little more normal looking than his Facebook pic, and he had a really fun personality. Let me say up front that there was zero chemistry and that there were enough things about his work/family/situation that he is definitely someone I am not interested in dating, but I still had a fun night.

Maybe it was the really low expectations, but I was able to walk away not totally hating the night and there was no need for an "extraction call" to Shirley. He has texted me a couple of times since (even sent a nice "thank you" text later that night) so I'm not sure how to handle this. He may be someone we do consider inviting to a party...where I can play the "friend card" and let him take it from there.

I've decided I am ok with the set-ups and blind dates - more so than online profiles or party hopping. We've met some fun people at parties, but boys just don't seem to know how to do more than talk and hang out. I have enough guy friends...someone to date is where I'd prefer to spend my social time. However, I do love hanging out with Rick and Roger and am grateful they are around. And unlike my college years, I'm now more of a "quality vs. quantity" girl.

That said, my mom is considering another avenue. Did any of you see this article on CNN.com? Just giving you all a head's up. If you see my pic and profile posted on the "Date My Single Kid" website, please ignore it. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.

Laverne

Smart Guy Calls Again, an Online Message from Ned II and other Fluff

Smart guy or as I like to call him "the Loser" at least that's the way it comes up on my phone when he calls:
Smart guy called again. He is ready to mingle. Laverne and I get to meet him a the end of August if all goes well. I avoided two of his phone calls and finally accepted the third. He had some questions that I was able to answer and oddly enough I am totally excited to put a face with the voice and stellar personality. Please check back.

Online Update:
An online update. Today I received an email message from a guy that is 50 years old that told me I am cute. Also, any ways in 26 days I am gone from here. If you are interested at all my name is Ned my e-mail is xxxxxx@hotmail.com and my cell is 801-xxx-xxxx.

Ned

I feel bad for the guy. I know it's not his fault that he has the same name as my ex-husband.

New Date:
A brother of a friend, sent me a text message and asked me out. Gotta love the semi-direct approach. We are scheduled for a date next week.

California Boys:
Our friend, Josh, from California came out for a wedding and spent a little time with Laverne and I. He has called me a couple of times since returning home. He will be driving through here on the way home next week and is going to do something with us again. Not sure what to think about him. He has the potential to become a really good friend. Last night he mentioned that he has been thinking about moving out here. He has lots of family and old mission friends.

Rick:
Rick signed up to go with Laverne and I to New York in October. Should be a fun trip. It's sad that neither Laverne nor I want to date him. Because he is ADORABLE! He is totally cute and so much fun to be around. Also, if you remember Laverne and Rick shared a New Year's Eve kiss. He really is a great guy.

Shirley

Golfing Shouldn't Be Done When You're Angry

I had another first date. I want to say that this week for some reason I have been in a bad mood. I apologize to those of you who actually have had to deal with me. Another online guy, Henry II, asked me out. I accepted. A date was set.

We went to hit some golf balls. He said that he had some proficiency with golfing and could help me out. He said that he played about once a week. Let's just say that he is better than I, but still not that great. I'm not sure if it was nerves or what, but I had some better hits than he did and I'm not that good.

Again, he didn't really look like his picture, he is currently unemployed (but does have a degree). He was so nice though. A little quiet and kind of nerdy (usually the type of guy that I would go for). He is older than I am and never been married. I got the feeling that he is frustrated about being single, still. It was a short date with no sparks, but he was nice and I feel like I owe him another chance. I've decided that I should do a second date when I am in a better mood. Then make a decision. Can you create a connection with someone? Shouldn't there be a little bit of something there first and then develop more as you go along? If you have zero to start with, what then?

Shirley

I Blame the Fever

I have this great friend, let's call her R. R is the kind of friend that you want to have in your life. She is talented, amazing and all the things that you want from a friend. She helped me out so much during the yuck of my life and has continued to call and check in on me.

Sunday R had a fever, the fever lead her to watch TV, the BYU channel in particular, where she saw a cute single guy that she thought I should meet, I think the fever made her a little delusional and that lead to an email being sent and a little stalking on facebook.

Because I like to cook and this "guy" on TV doesn't and really misses the family home cooked meal R thought let's facilitate an introduction. R found this "guy" on Facebook and sent him a message about me and threw down a few guidelines of her own. A picture of me was sent and my email address was forwarded. Now I will wait and see if he actually contacts me.

I wanted to include a few of the things that R said in her email to TV guy. She said some nice things about me and then - "IF you aren't a pervert, addicted to porn, an adulterer (formerly or presently) or a jack Mormon...and you are in fact the opposite of that...a worthy priesthood holder (that isn't a cliche, worthy is really key) with a temple recommend who is sincere, active, can hold intelligent conversations, I'd love to set the two of you up."

That's all, humor a girl with the flu.

R

I love this and it's great to blog about. I love my friends looking out for me who know the kind of guy that I want and need in my life, and maybe something fun will happen. Keep 'em coming ladies. Thanks, R! You are the best.

And to my friend A (you know who you are) did you find out about the single guy you mentioned? I would like to know more.

Shirley

I Hate the Touch Screen Phones

Two reasons:
First, on my Mexican dinner date a guy called and I tried to silence the phone and accidentally answered then had to hang up - 'cuz I'm on a date. Can't be talking to some other guy while on a date. That's just tacky.

Second, the Super Smart Teacher called me...he left a message that went something like this.

"Hey thank you for talking to me the other night. If you can't find anything for me that I would fit into it's okay. I'm a tough kid to find things for - I don't fit in anywhere. It's been like that my whole life. Don't make it your top priority. I know you have a life. If you ever want to talk call me, whenever. Or whatever, I don't really care. I know you're probably busy. I forget that. I'm a teacher and have four months off. When I'm off I'm think gee what am I going to do, I need someone to talk to. When I'm working I'm just REALLY busy. Well call me. If you don't find something it doesn't really matter. I don't really care."

Here comes the reason I hate the touch screen phone I have. I was trying to play the message for Laverne, but accidentally called the Super Smart Teacher instead. I had to hurry and hang up. He promptly called me back. Ahh!

I really wish I could describe his voice over the phone. It's a bit whiny, but boy whiny. Not that high pitched squeaky whine, just a boy sort of like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite when he's talking about Lafawnduh and chatting with babes online.

Honestly, I need to meet this guy so I can have a face to put with all this fun. I have decided to call him back later and tell him about the firesides and activities we have coming up. I'm thinking it's going to be a real treat meeting a 54 but I look 32, work out a lot and I am insanely brilliant single male who, did I mention, has NEVER been married. It's a real quandary how he has been single for so long.

Shirley

Arriba! Vamonos...

Hola! My date took me for Mexican so I'm feeling a little spicy. My favorite response when telling friends where he took me was: "Is that place still in business?" Laverne being Laverne said, "Sick. That is one of the worst mexi places." Feel free to laugh now. I certainly did.

The date was with a super nice guy. He is the cousin of a friend. He was hilarious and easy to talk to and thankfully taller than me (without his heels on). Here is the sad part - using Laverne's kissable test - he wasn't. It's not like he was unattractive or odoriferous (well maybe a little bit, but I only noticed when he gave me a hug at the end of the date). He wasn't bad looking, he was funny, made me laugh and he seemed really nice. There was zero chemistry.

I realize that it's not ALL about the chemistry, but it is nice to have a little in the beginning and hope it takes off from there. We had none. Zip. Nada. Zilch.

So I've been on three dates in the space of one week with no luck. Do you now throw in the towel or keep on looking? One good friend said - you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince. Which, hey, I like kissing as much as you do. But shouldn't you want to kiss the frog to begin with? It shouldn't feel like actually kissing a frog, right? I mean who REALLY wants to kiss a frog? I know I don't.

Shirley

I'm so SMART said the man on the phone

A quick update: My friend from church asked if she could give my number to her cousin. I thought - why not? He called and was super funny on the phone. He has the kind of humor that reminds me of Laverne and I love Laverne's humor. He asked me out for today so I should have another post up tomorrow.

Getting to the title and point of this post. Last night Laverne, Rick and I were out and I received an unknown call. The guy left a message that I really wish I could post here. It was something spectacular. I called him back and here's a brief summary of the interesting call.

Shirley: Hello? Hi this is Shirley returning your phone call.

Guy: Hi. A friend gave me your number from the Stake and said that you know what is going on for activities. He seemed to think that you could help me so I don't go to activities that I'm not really interested in.

S: Oh, yes. I can help you with that. What kinds of activities have you gone to? Mid singles or single adult?

G: I gone to both, but due to my age, I'm 54 but I look 32. I really take care of myself. I work out all the time. Most of the midsingles don't want to talk to me after they find out how old I am and the single adult activities consist of people in their 70s or 80s. I just don't fit in anywhere.

S: I see, well, there are activities that I know of that I can send to you. Are you on facebook? Do you have an email where I can send some information? (I sound like a telemarketer)

G: I do have internet, but at my work. I am a teacher. I only work eight months out of the year, but get paid for 12. (Yes. He really did say that). I think it is a waste of money to have internet at home when I have it at work. It would be really inconvenient for me to get emails because I would have to go to the library or figure something else out.

S: Oh. You're a teacher, that's great.

G: Yes. I teach the gifted kids. You see, I am really smart. I took a test and scored higher than anyone in the state. Actually, I scored in the top percentile in the nation. I am really smart and I like to work out so I look really young. I keep myself in shape. I have a really hard time relating to stupid people and I've found that most people are stupid. (Yes. This is an exact quote.)

S: Oh. Ok. Well. I have a few firesides that are coming up that you might like.

G: Yes. I would be okay in a fireside type setting or a dance, but I don't want to go to any volleyball games or concerts. I don't like those types of social settings. I am really smart and like intellectual things and exercising rather than trying to get to know someone with 300 other people around. I just can't talk to stupid people. I don't really even know why I called you. My friend just thought it would be a good idea. He told me to so here I am calling you. I don't do very well in social settings. I live alone and I've never been married (how is this even possible you 32 year old looking, SUPER smart, well maintained man? Kind of hard to believe).

S: Let me look into some activities for you and I will get back to you. Okay.

G: That would be fine, you can call anytime. I have the summer off, but get paid for the whole year. I don't know what it is about this economy but people are either rich or poor. There just doesn't seem to be any middle class people anymore. I just went to my high school reunion and it was so nice to be with people my age. I investigated the social statistics for the birth rate the year I was born and found that there just wasn't a lot of people born the year I was. That's why it's so hard to meet people my own age.

S: Huh. Good to know.

G: Well yes. Call anytime. Did you know that I am smart and I would really like to talk to someone that is my intellectual equal. You know? (I may be slightly exaggerating this line, but it really is the only one.)

S: I will get back to you. Good-bye.

I can't count how many times he mentioned how smart he is, how he looks younger than he is, how he loathes stupid people and thinks that most people in this world are stupid (you offended yet?), how he gets paid for working for only eight months of the year. I really can't imagine why and how this man could still be single after 54 years of glorious living on this earth.

Welcome to my new life. Aren't you glad it's not yours?

Shirley

A Hobbit, Yogurt, A Piano and A Lie

Two dates in one night...sounds like it could be interesting and possibly even fun? Oh no, think again. It's fun to write about and read about, just not fun to experience.


My first date...hmmm...the good news is I got to have frozen yogurt. And to be honest he was nice. He memorizes personality tests because he said sometimes it's hard to keep the conversation going. The problem? His online profile said he was 5' 8". I am a solid 5'5". I did have my two inch heels on, but so did he, and I was still five inches taller than he was. As we were leaving he climbed up into his truck to drive away. His truck wasn't a truck that has lifts. Just a regular truck . I wanted to ask if he needed a boost. Thankfully it was only an hour of my life.


Never fear...on to the next date. The good news here? I got to go to a concert of a musician that I really do like. Since it was a concert you can't really talk during and I hid out in the bathroom during the intermission. Actually I hid in a stall and sent text messages to my friends. I actually sent a message to Laverne to ask her to save me. Which she did!


Date 2: online profile says he is 40. He looked older. He asked me to tell him something exciting. What? Like what? You know something that you find exciting? This question could have been fine coming from someone else, but I got a serious unsavory vibe from him. I have no idea where this conversation is going so I change the subject and ask about his family. He has four kids. When he asks about what I do for fun. I tell him I like to do things with my friends. I am told that he doesn't really have any friends. "My ex kept them all - now I don't get to do things with them". I don't want to know why he got divorced. He made some strange comments about money and then was asking super personal questions that made me uncomfortable - which is why I ended up in the bathroom sending text messages to Laverne begging her to get me out of this date. That's where the lie came in. I don't condone lying, but in this case, I feel it was necessary. I left in a hurry and thankfully without having to make physical contact with Date #2.


What am I learning from all of this? At first I admit I was depressed and a little dismayed at the state of my dating life. While I was driving in my car I started listening to a past conference talk of Elder Uchtdorf when he discussed having Hope. Last night I felt pretty hopeless, but today I am feeling a bit better. At first I wanted to crawl into bed and never come out. However, I think I may have a few possible fun dates lined up and I am still trying to get out and meet new people. My expectations remain low...but are filled with HOPE!


Shirley

Something to Smile About...

I have issues. Let's just get that out there. I should have said that from the beginning. Not serious issues, just silly, why do I respond that way issues.

The online dating thing is actually going better than expected. The few guys that I have been communicating with seem really nice. I haven't talked to any of them yet. Really, I can't say that I know any of them really well, but I am remaining hopeful that they are nice.

There are officially five different guys that seem interesting to me and one guy that a friend of mine is trying to set me up with. The one guy that lives out of state may progress to phone calls. He asked me to call him, but I have a hard time doing this. If he had called me first then maybe. I sent him my number and told him to call me, to which he responded, when I get the courage up. Maybe we'll start with a text message. Two ways to look at this. First, guys are just as scared as we are. Second, seriously? Be a man and step up.

The next guy asked me to join him for ice cream. I couldn't on the day specified so we are trying to coordinate schedules. I am hoping for frozen yogurt though.

Another guy just sent me a really funny message and I couldn't help but respond. He countered with another funny message and today asked me to text him. I guess this is how it goes. Email, text message, phone call, meet face to face? I don't know about this. Dating was way less complicated when I was younger. You called on a phone that was connected to the wall at your house, hoping that they had call waiting and if they didn't you had to try again. Too many forms of communication now.

Henry II, yes he actually has the same name as the Henry I was dating. He sent me a message asking more about me and we just started communicating. He looks nice. He seems pretty easy going and he has been prompt in response to my emails.

Two 26 year olds have been trying to talk to me, I just can't take them seriously (so together I am counting them as one person).

The faceless, nameless guy that just sends flirts - got two more today. It is totally laughable. I mean seriously? I asked him to send a photo, he said no but that he is good looking. Which, if that were true why he doesn't just put up a photo. I feel like this is kind of fishy. Hopefully he isn't married or something like that.

I had a girls night out last week and tried to rally the girls there to set me up. One girl had a couple guys that are single, one being her brother, who is sort of dating someone. He is cute, but I told her that since he is dating someone I would pass. Well...today she sent me a message and said that she showed him my picture on facebook and he wants to take me on a date. This is flattering, but...right now my picture on facebook is my glamour shot. I have a feeling that he is going to be disappointed when he shows up. I don't really look like that. I call it my smoke and mirrors photo. We'll see how that goes.

This is definitely a different year so far and although I feel settled into this new life, it is still sad to me that this is my life. I'm trying everything to keep it interesting and to be adventurous. I want to remain open, positive and optimistic that it will all work out in the end. I'm keeping my fingers crossed, will you too, please?

Shirley

Best Personal Ads

I have been looking at online profiles and have come across a few of my favorites, I thought I would share them with you.


1. Just because I'm Asian doesn't mean my engrush sucks, it means I rock at math. Yes. He really did spell Engrush that way.

2. I'm doing my best to ensure that the mark I leave isn't a dent in my couch.

3. I'm seriously not hitting on you, why would I when I am so old and you are so young. But if it's not about looks then why should it be about age? Said the 59 yo man who wanted to take me to lunch or dinner or have me shoot him and collect on his estate. Yikes.


4. I am looking for someone who can debate the pros and cons of home teaching the Sasquatch.

5. I'm really good-rooking. Said the guy with no photo to back it up.

6. Nacho: My life is good - real good.

7. I'm a Ninja in training looking for a partner to spar with.

8. I don't want anyone with any mental issues: if you are bi-polar - do not contact me.

9. Nice and hot. Looking for a girl who is Hot and nice.

10. Just your average everyday Superhero, nothing special.

Oh, and so many more good ones. A few things I have learned. Someone needs to give guys a clue - don't post a picture of you in the bathroom using your phone to catch your reflection in the mirror. Don't post a fuzzy picture. Don't post a picture of yourself in your snuggie (yes, it's true). Please use an up to date photo. Don't use your glamour shot from the 80s with the disco lights and the horrible background. Don't post a picture of you with another girl (unless she's your mom - no wait, don't do that either).

I actually have been contacted by a few guys that seemed interesting enough to email back. So I have a tentative yogurt date with one and the other one lives in another state so we are moving up to actual phone calls. Two other guys just started sending messages and one guy (who doesn't have a picture) keeps sending me flirts - so to be funny and maybe a little obnoxious I keep sending him flirts back. We haven't actually typed any messages or had any other form of communication. My goal is to see how many we can send back and forth without using any real words. Call it a study in flirting. Something I need to get better at. Stayed tuned.

Shirley

Let Freedom Ring?

This past weekend was full of things that I think I should have done in college. Since Laverne left me alone, I had to find things to occupy my time.

My experiment with the technological advances we have made are going swimmingly. I have a knack for drawing in the 50 to 60 year old guy. I was even told that I am beautiful and asked if I would be interested in meeting (he was 58). Yep. Not kidding. He had a full head of gray hair (on the bright side, he had hair?). He was into exercise (positive thoughts: has all his original parts - no hip replacement here). I don't know how or if I should reply. So far, I'm choosing not to reply at all. I did get checked out by a 26 year old that (sadly, looked 20). I would have thought that he pushed a button on accident, but he looked at my profile twice. So in my mind it means that at least one of those was on purpose. Right?

Saturday: Fireworks in the park with a group of singles = fun. After party: Well...when I first arrived it looked like a college frat house. Kids (I use that term because that's what they were) were falling out of the house that had zero furniture inside, wood floors, a fridge full of soda and nothing else, disco ball hanging from the ceiling and no bathroom. Also, the music they had to dance to...guess how many songs I recognized? ZERO. Cool, huh? Try not to be jealous of my awesome night. In the backyard there were two ping pong tables set up. Outside there were a few people that looked my age. In fact I knew a couple of the guys that were there. Unfortunately seeing them there confirmed what type of party this was. I talked to a few new people, saw the stalker from last year - who kept trying to get my attention. Thankfully, I was in a conversation with someone else and then left right after. Whew!

Sunday: Went to a singles ward in the area. Almost got kissed three times. One guy came so close that I just needed to turn my head less than a centimeter and it would have happened. I couldn't do it. Had a great Sunday hanging out with Rick - who yes, tried to kiss me. Long story. I told him no. The next day I got a text message that said: "You passed the Ricky test! A mere mortal woman could have not resisted - you must be a goddess." This is one of the reasons I think Rick is hilarious and fun.

Monday: FHE with the Singles Ward. I made Rick go with me and only went because my new girlfriend wanted to go. I was talking to some people in the ward when who comes rolling around the corner - Henry. It was like getting punched in the stomach. Lucky for me I saw him first so I could compose myself. Needless to say. I wanted to leave. I wasn't ready for the encounter. I think that I handled it ok. I stayed the entire night and even had a conversation with Henry and ate frozen yogurt with him (and others). We even were able to joke about previously dating each other and kissing each other. I still think he is a great guy, it was hard to see him, but I do think if I see him again, it will be easier and I'm glad to know that we can still be friends.

I am in need of a serious amount of frozen yogurt after this weekend. I will note here I have a new favorite frozen yogurt store. It's a little farther from my house than I like, but there is a cute guy that works there (he seems older, not sure though and when I say works there I mean he may actually be the manager, he could be a college student - who cares he is cute). I noticed him one night when I was there, I talked to him about getting in my favorite flavor of yogurt another night, and finally asked him his name Saturday night. I stopped by today to enjoy some yogurt and he wasn't there, but during the course of my visit he arrived and came out to talk to me and say hi. I don't know if anything will happen, I am probably old enough to be his mom, but it is fun to flirt with the yogurt guy.

So that was my weekend - Hope you had a great 4th of July and were able to celebrate with your families.

Shirley

My semi-blind date next week

During a night out with the ladies I serve with in my ward, I mentioned that I'm open to being set up and that they should all keep their eyes open for me. I also clarified that he doesn't have to be perfect (I'm far from it) and that even a night out gives me a chance to network (I know, so business like) because everyone has friends, cousins, neighbors, etc. Plus, a fun guy may not be a love match for me, but someone great to include in our group because, in reverse, I know many other cute, single girls as well.

That said, one girl mentioned a friend of her husbands who is divorced, has 4 children, and is a great guy - just had some bad luck. Let's call him Lyle. She reluctantly mentioned that he has been divorced a few years, but has also been married/divorced a 2nd time (apparently a rather quick event) because shortly after the wedding his new wife disclosed her "multiple personality disorder" and only pretended to like his children. Wow. I wasn't sure how to respond.

The next day I received a call from Lyle. Unfortunately he called on my home phone (which only ward members and solicitors use). My friend had my cell phone number which she normally used so I guess I assumed that is the one she would pass on. Lyle started a little hesitant and introduced himself, which unfortunately played into the "I'm getting ready to sell you something" speech I was expecting. I am not totally rude to solicitors, but I'm definitely not using my patient voice. Poor guy.

Once he clarified that my friend told him about me, and said that he should give me a call, I quickly switched gears and tried to sound a bit more welcoming. After that, he was quite nice over the phone and even admitted he was a bit nervous. I told him he gets all the credit for having the guts to make a call like this and that I appreciated it. We talked for a minute and discussed going out next week (both being busy over the holiday weekend). He said he'll call on Monday to set a date and looked forward to talking more then.

We'll see if I didn't totally scare him away and if I actually get a call next week.

I titled this post "semi-blind" because after getting his first and last name, I'll admit to jumping on FaceBook just in case he was there. Yep. He's there. And, as mentioned in my earlier post about "how to have an awesome blind date," I'm going to look forward to enjoying a night out with no expectations. As it should be. At least I now have a phone that will also lend to "spicing things up with tech" if needed.

Poor Lyle already got my "not interested voice." At least now I can be prepared with my game face and try to make it a fun night for both of us.

Keep 'em coming ladies!

Laverne