Not mine, but Patrick's. Patrick got a call from his Dad yesterday - his grandma isn't doing very well. She is almost 91, but still. Patrick loves his grandma's (this is particularly adorable - so upbeat and positive). He decided that he wanted to drive home and visit her. Guess what? He asked me and the kids to go with him. I thought about it and decided that it would be fun. The five hour drive wasn't nearly as hard with another adult to shuffle my son to the bathroom and wait in the car with the kids while I run into the store to get a quick treat for the kids. I had forgotten how much better it is to have two adults with you on road trips. Especially when one is a man and a helpful man to boot.
We arrived and went directly to his Grandma's house. She was really excited to see us and meet the kids. The kids loved her house because she has goats in her backyard (the neighbors) and they got to feed them. The loved exploring and chasing Scooter the kitty. We had lunch and then went to his parents house. We stayed with his parents for two days. The kids loved his parents house because they got to sleep on the trampoline, ride on horses, play with a real Star Wars Storm Trooper helmet, swords, foosball, play kitchen and a dog and two kitties. It's the perfect house for my kids to visit -all the things that they want to have - ie. the dog and cats - but don't. I am not a pet person. I should be my kids loved playing with them. Also, they were really good with the pets, but I am not a pet person. Don't hate me.
His mom and dad told the kids to call them Grandma and Grandpa. Which I was a little uncomfortable with, however, they are grandparents (not to my kids), but I guess it doesn't hurt to call them that. They are already asking to go back to play with the dog and sleep on the tramp.
It was great to see Patrick with my kids on the drive there and during the whole visit. His mom asked us if we needed a chaperon while sleeping on the trampoline - then she followed it up with have you guys done anything inappropriate? Awesome. Kind of embarrassing...just a little.
When we came home he took me to meet his grandma here on a mission. She is working at the Family and Church History Library. We went to dinner and then to the Pioneer Day Celebration. She told me during dinner that Patrick's favorite thing to do when he was younger and came to stay with her during the summer was to ride the weenie..I started laughing and choking on my dinner. Water almost came out of my nose. I was giggling so hard and couldn't stop. Completely inappropriate and horrible especially in front of a sister missionary. I'm sure that I made a great impression. Yep. I can only apologize for my rude behavior.
I like how things are progressing, but I feel like there are some things I need to do so I can move forward with my life. I still have residual anger towards Ned and I need to resolve this and let it go. It would be easier if he would stop being and saying dumb things...I'm working on it. I'm ready to let it go, just can't figure out how.
I love spending time with Patrick and I do miss him when he is gone. He makes me laugh, smile, and he seems to understand me and communicate with me pretty well. I know that we need more time to get to know each other, but so far - I'm loving what I see.
Shirley
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
It's Not Just a Feeling Anymore.
Patrick and I have been spending a lot of time together. Most of our time together. Almost all of our time together. It's been good because I really feel like I am getting to know him and he is getting to know and see what my life is really like. Kids, carpools, cooking and cleaning.
After our trip together to visit his parents and my friends he went on a river rafting trip with a bunch of singles - girls and guys. I have to say that I wasn't really excited about this trip, but I knew how excited he was to do it and how it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I don't want to be the jealous girlfriend and hope that I can keep my past from continuing to affect how I respond to people in the future. I was glad that Patrick got to go, but really wished I could have to. I do know that Patrick, so far, seems very trust worthy and honest. I appreciate these qualities so much about him. When we got home - he kept telling me how fun it was. He would also mention that he really wished I could have gone. It sounded like such a great trip. Then it happened...facebook pictures from the trip - nine really cute girls - all in bikini's and with bodies that I used to have (pre-children). Ahhh! I felt sick to my stomach. Not because anything happened with any of the girls and Patrick, but just because of my own mind, past experience and insecurities clouding my judgement.
I did have a conversation with Patrick about how I was feeling and he asked how he could help make it better for me. I really couldn't answer. I don't really know. I do know that I can't live my life like this worrying that bad things will happen - again. I really prayed for help because for two days my stomach hurt - sick pit and nothing else was helping. I have been feeling lately the - what now? We see each other every day. We have fun together. We clearly aren't dating anyone else. But where do we go from here? More of the same? Marriage? What? I guess I needed to be reassured of his feelings for me.
I have been thinking about "feelings" a lot lately. Trying to define in my head how I feel about him. When I talk about Love with friends everyone has a different take on what it is. I know that Love for me has changed from my twenties and high school days. I've told two different boys that I loved them and I did for different reasons. I would say in my twenties Love was more about feelings that anything else. Today, armed with more experience, pain, joy and fear, it seems to be more closely aligned with a definition I heard in Conference - it's a VERB - an action word. Something that you continue to choose and work at everyday.
When Patrick got back from his trip (he was gone for 10 days with no cell phone reception) I was totally nervous to see him. I don't know why, but I was scared. I wondered if his feelings for me had changed and vice versa. He came to visit me and as soon as I saw him again - I knew my feelings hadn't changed. Kissing after that many days apart was fantastic. I don't need to elaborate on that though. Let's just say - it was fun. We may have kissed for a long time that night. :)
A week after he got back we spent the next week completely together, temple trip, dinner out, our annual Moonlight Ride, a fireside, fireworks and took the kids to a movie. The Moonlight ride was so fun this year, great weather, fun friends, good food. Hopefully Laverne will update you about her experience - it was pretty funny. Let's just say - she is a much better woman than I. A small group of us ended up at Denny's at 3:00 a.m. and then a couple of the riders (Patrick included) spent the night at my house. We didn't get home until 4:30 a.m.
Sunday after the devotional and fireworks Patrick and I were watching a movie at my house and both of us fell asleep on the couch (no this is not code for making out - at least not this time). I don't know who woke up first, but it was 2:30 a.m. I was so tired. He was going to leave and had his hands full of stuff. We hugged and he gave me a good night kiss at the door. As he was pulling away he whispered I love you. It totally makes me smile thinking about it again. It was so cute. He is adorable. I don't know why, but I couldn't say it back to him. I froze, deer in the headlights. No words were coming out. I felt like it wasn't the right time. Something about him saying it and me saying it right back felt wrong. I did say thank you. Ugh! I bet he loved that. He left and I was standing there in the doorway watching him leave...well - his car wouldn't open. The automatic door locks didn't work. It is so funny. He has this big moment, that I make awkward with my response, and then he can't leave. He came in and fiddled with the key fob thing and fixed it. He didn't want to use the key to open the door because he was afraid the alarm would go off. Not good at 2:30 in the morning. I gave him a hug and a kiss at the door again. As I was hugging him I said - I just want you to remember that I said it first, but I hope you mean it. He responded with I am awake. I said, that's not what I meant. He said...I have my wits about me. I do mean it. I responded with - I love you too. Then as he was walking to his car to leave this time he said I love you again to me. It was a great night and totally perfect for the two of us. For some reason awkward moments abound when declaration are made. It was a great week and weekend. I REALLY LOVED IT! Yay!!!
Shirley
After our trip together to visit his parents and my friends he went on a river rafting trip with a bunch of singles - girls and guys. I have to say that I wasn't really excited about this trip, but I knew how excited he was to do it and how it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I don't want to be the jealous girlfriend and hope that I can keep my past from continuing to affect how I respond to people in the future. I was glad that Patrick got to go, but really wished I could have to. I do know that Patrick, so far, seems very trust worthy and honest. I appreciate these qualities so much about him. When we got home - he kept telling me how fun it was. He would also mention that he really wished I could have gone. It sounded like such a great trip. Then it happened...facebook pictures from the trip - nine really cute girls - all in bikini's and with bodies that I used to have (pre-children). Ahhh! I felt sick to my stomach. Not because anything happened with any of the girls and Patrick, but just because of my own mind, past experience and insecurities clouding my judgement.
I did have a conversation with Patrick about how I was feeling and he asked how he could help make it better for me. I really couldn't answer. I don't really know. I do know that I can't live my life like this worrying that bad things will happen - again. I really prayed for help because for two days my stomach hurt - sick pit and nothing else was helping. I have been feeling lately the - what now? We see each other every day. We have fun together. We clearly aren't dating anyone else. But where do we go from here? More of the same? Marriage? What? I guess I needed to be reassured of his feelings for me.
I have been thinking about "feelings" a lot lately. Trying to define in my head how I feel about him. When I talk about Love with friends everyone has a different take on what it is. I know that Love for me has changed from my twenties and high school days. I've told two different boys that I loved them and I did for different reasons. I would say in my twenties Love was more about feelings that anything else. Today, armed with more experience, pain, joy and fear, it seems to be more closely aligned with a definition I heard in Conference - it's a VERB - an action word. Something that you continue to choose and work at everyday.
When Patrick got back from his trip (he was gone for 10 days with no cell phone reception) I was totally nervous to see him. I don't know why, but I was scared. I wondered if his feelings for me had changed and vice versa. He came to visit me and as soon as I saw him again - I knew my feelings hadn't changed. Kissing after that many days apart was fantastic. I don't need to elaborate on that though. Let's just say - it was fun. We may have kissed for a long time that night. :)
A week after he got back we spent the next week completely together, temple trip, dinner out, our annual Moonlight Ride, a fireside, fireworks and took the kids to a movie. The Moonlight ride was so fun this year, great weather, fun friends, good food. Hopefully Laverne will update you about her experience - it was pretty funny. Let's just say - she is a much better woman than I. A small group of us ended up at Denny's at 3:00 a.m. and then a couple of the riders (Patrick included) spent the night at my house. We didn't get home until 4:30 a.m.
Sunday after the devotional and fireworks Patrick and I were watching a movie at my house and both of us fell asleep on the couch (no this is not code for making out - at least not this time). I don't know who woke up first, but it was 2:30 a.m. I was so tired. He was going to leave and had his hands full of stuff. We hugged and he gave me a good night kiss at the door. As he was pulling away he whispered I love you. It totally makes me smile thinking about it again. It was so cute. He is adorable. I don't know why, but I couldn't say it back to him. I froze, deer in the headlights. No words were coming out. I felt like it wasn't the right time. Something about him saying it and me saying it right back felt wrong. I did say thank you. Ugh! I bet he loved that. He left and I was standing there in the doorway watching him leave...well - his car wouldn't open. The automatic door locks didn't work. It is so funny. He has this big moment, that I make awkward with my response, and then he can't leave. He came in and fiddled with the key fob thing and fixed it. He didn't want to use the key to open the door because he was afraid the alarm would go off. Not good at 2:30 in the morning. I gave him a hug and a kiss at the door again. As I was hugging him I said - I just want you to remember that I said it first, but I hope you mean it. He responded with I am awake. I said, that's not what I meant. He said...I have my wits about me. I do mean it. I responded with - I love you too. Then as he was walking to his car to leave this time he said I love you again to me. It was a great night and totally perfect for the two of us. For some reason awkward moments abound when declaration are made. It was a great week and weekend. I REALLY LOVED IT! Yay!!!
Shirley
Friday, July 1, 2011
Finally!
Laverne and I have been seriously slacking on updating this blog. No worries though, I am ready for a quick run-down. Hopefully, Laverne will add more when she is ready...
Let me start with the most exciting news...about Laverne. She is finally flirting with boys and she is becoming more the person I remember her being. I am thrilled and it has truly been fun watching her lately. Of course, the boys are more than ready to respond. I think they've been trying, but it took her a while to reciprocate. I'm going to let her fill you in on her life - I will say I like this new side to Laverne and I know that the boys do too!
As for me, well...I am still dating Patrick. He is growing on me. We haven't made any official declarations or anything, well...except the one I did a while ago, but I do like him and I am enjoying the time we spend together getting know each other better. He took me to meet his family a couple weeks ago, that was fun. His mom is hilarious - she may have ADD a little. His dad is adorable and seems very sweet, a little quiet, but totally nice. I like his two brothers, they remind me of my brother. His family reminds me of my family. I felt completely at ease which made the visit better. I can tell he really loves him home state - he thinks it's quite superior to all others. We went by a few of his old houses he lived in during college, walked in downtown, went to his college campus, climbed a tree (and kissed in it) and visited his grandma as well. She was so nice...she gave me some of Patrick's favorite recipes so I can make them for him.
I could tell Patrick was at ease having me there, because at one point in the visit there was discussion about needing an extra bed for an unexpected guest. Patrick, his mom, dad and I were standing in the kitchen and Patrick announces that he was willing to sacrifice and take one for the team and give up his room for the guest and he would sleep in my room with me. I have to say I was kind of horrified. His mom sort of glossed over the comment and his dad (later told Patrick) said that he liked the idea, but thought he would have gotten more of a response from his mom.
After spending three days with his family we came home, repacked and got on a plane to visit my "family". We spent six days together with my old friends. I think it was fun, but I did feel a little bad for Patrick. He got grilled and questioned and people kept asking what his intentions were. I think we both decided that we are taking things slowly. I'm not in a hurry and I know he isn't. Something I discovered about myself, which is surprising, is that I am used to being single. It is an adjustment when you have someone else to worry about. I know I used to this, but I am definitely adapted to my new life.
Again, Patrick seems at ease in all social situations we have been in. He handled all the questions like a pro and was able to show his witty sense of humor and great personality to everyone. I have gotten really positive feedback from everyone. They all gave him two enthusiastic thumbs up. At one point, I may have misplaced the car keys. I curse the new cars that have push start buttons. It was the morning of the race and my old bishop and his 16 year old daughter (and my former primary student) car pooled with us. After having parked the car, I discovered that the key was missing. Patrick proceeded to pat me down my front and back. While the bishop stood by watching the drama unfold. I was slightly embarrassed. In his defense, he didn't touch anything he shouldn't, except maybe my bottom. When I found the keys, I really don't want to share where I found them, I was totally stressed out. Patrick has the ability to calm me down, which I really like about him. He has been good for me. We made it to the start line on time. All three of us finished the race. It was a great day. I still don't love running, but I am glad that Laverne challenges me to do things out of my comfort zone.
Laverne planned a surprise party with my old friends. She apparently has been planning for months. I can't begin to tell you how awesome this party was. All my friends together in one location, great food, cool decorations and a photo booth complete with fake moustaches, glasses, hats, picture frames, lips and lollipops. Thanks to J, R and T for all your hard work! This was one fantastic party. I loved having Patrick there and seeing my friends that I have been missing. This visit was my favorite by far. I feel like I have turned a corner in my life and I am ready for whatever happens.
A huge thank you again to Laverne and my friends that helped her surprise me in the best birthday party ever! I love you guys!
Shirley
Let me start with the most exciting news...about Laverne. She is finally flirting with boys and she is becoming more the person I remember her being. I am thrilled and it has truly been fun watching her lately. Of course, the boys are more than ready to respond. I think they've been trying, but it took her a while to reciprocate. I'm going to let her fill you in on her life - I will say I like this new side to Laverne and I know that the boys do too!
As for me, well...I am still dating Patrick. He is growing on me. We haven't made any official declarations or anything, well...except the one I did a while ago, but I do like him and I am enjoying the time we spend together getting know each other better. He took me to meet his family a couple weeks ago, that was fun. His mom is hilarious - she may have ADD a little. His dad is adorable and seems very sweet, a little quiet, but totally nice. I like his two brothers, they remind me of my brother. His family reminds me of my family. I felt completely at ease which made the visit better. I can tell he really loves him home state - he thinks it's quite superior to all others. We went by a few of his old houses he lived in during college, walked in downtown, went to his college campus, climbed a tree (and kissed in it) and visited his grandma as well. She was so nice...she gave me some of Patrick's favorite recipes so I can make them for him.
I could tell Patrick was at ease having me there, because at one point in the visit there was discussion about needing an extra bed for an unexpected guest. Patrick, his mom, dad and I were standing in the kitchen and Patrick announces that he was willing to sacrifice and take one for the team and give up his room for the guest and he would sleep in my room with me. I have to say I was kind of horrified. His mom sort of glossed over the comment and his dad (later told Patrick) said that he liked the idea, but thought he would have gotten more of a response from his mom.
After spending three days with his family we came home, repacked and got on a plane to visit my "family". We spent six days together with my old friends. I think it was fun, but I did feel a little bad for Patrick. He got grilled and questioned and people kept asking what his intentions were. I think we both decided that we are taking things slowly. I'm not in a hurry and I know he isn't. Something I discovered about myself, which is surprising, is that I am used to being single. It is an adjustment when you have someone else to worry about. I know I used to this, but I am definitely adapted to my new life.
Again, Patrick seems at ease in all social situations we have been in. He handled all the questions like a pro and was able to show his witty sense of humor and great personality to everyone. I have gotten really positive feedback from everyone. They all gave him two enthusiastic thumbs up. At one point, I may have misplaced the car keys. I curse the new cars that have push start buttons. It was the morning of the race and my old bishop and his 16 year old daughter (and my former primary student) car pooled with us. After having parked the car, I discovered that the key was missing. Patrick proceeded to pat me down my front and back. While the bishop stood by watching the drama unfold. I was slightly embarrassed. In his defense, he didn't touch anything he shouldn't, except maybe my bottom. When I found the keys, I really don't want to share where I found them, I was totally stressed out. Patrick has the ability to calm me down, which I really like about him. He has been good for me. We made it to the start line on time. All three of us finished the race. It was a great day. I still don't love running, but I am glad that Laverne challenges me to do things out of my comfort zone.
Laverne planned a surprise party with my old friends. She apparently has been planning for months. I can't begin to tell you how awesome this party was. All my friends together in one location, great food, cool decorations and a photo booth complete with fake moustaches, glasses, hats, picture frames, lips and lollipops. Thanks to J, R and T for all your hard work! This was one fantastic party. I loved having Patrick there and seeing my friends that I have been missing. This visit was my favorite by far. I feel like I have turned a corner in my life and I am ready for whatever happens.
A huge thank you again to Laverne and my friends that helped her surprise me in the best birthday party ever! I love you guys!
Shirley
It's Been A While
Just wanted to update the blog. This past week was my birthday and Patrick was so thoughtful. Starting on Tuesday he brought me a present everyday with a really funny card up to my birthday on Sunday. I have to say that he really put some thought into and I am truly appreciative of it all.
Tuesday he came with a giant spatula - I had made a cake for him and we had to use three spatula's to lift it into the box. He thought it would come in handy for the next time.
Wednesday - he gave me a pink hoodie jacket. It's not really my style, but I truly love that it wasn't an X-large T-shirt.
Thursday - Giant slotted spoon - which I can use to make him deep fried pickles. Something we ate once at a restaurant. I found the recipe and made them one night (they are tasty. I'm not normally a pickle fan, but these are really good).
Friday - We went on a date to a restaurant up the canyon - which I'd never been too. He kept telling me that we needed to find an electrical outlet. I had no idea why. I later found out it was because he had a microwave in his trunk. Yep. I know. We eventually found a gas station that had a microwave. He went in and popped microwave popcorn. He bought some drinks and gave me some candy. We drove further up the canyon, he told me we were going to the drive in. I thought okay. He found a place to pull off the side of the road and he pulled out his ipod. He had loaded several movies on earlier in the day. I picked A-Team. Thank you Bradley Cooper. One of my favorite movies. I will say about halfway through the movie went out and there was a brief (or not so brief) intermission. It was a really creative date night. I have to give Patrick lots of points for his thoughtfulness and creativity this week.
Saturday - he gave me the pasta attachments for my Kitchen Aid - which I have been wanting, but I hadn't purchased yet. He also surprised me with tickets to a concert - where Laverne had a bunch of friends waiting. It was such a fun night and the band sang Happy Birthday to me. I got to River Dance with the band and I loved having so many friends there.
Sunday - we had a BBQ that Laverne planned - lots of friends followed by a fireside - where we got to eat Cotton Candy, Popcorn and Cake Pops.
This has been my best birthday ever! I really appreciate all the hard work and planning by Laverne. She went above and beyond this year. Her birthday gift to me was so amazing. It's a charm bracelet with my kids name, Korean symbols, and a fortune cookie. It is beautiful and so special to me. So a huge THANK YOU to Laverne. I can't believe how lucky I am to have a great friend like you. I know that I would be lost without you! You are the best!
Shirley
Tuesday he came with a giant spatula - I had made a cake for him and we had to use three spatula's to lift it into the box. He thought it would come in handy for the next time.
Wednesday - he gave me a pink hoodie jacket. It's not really my style, but I truly love that it wasn't an X-large T-shirt.
Thursday - Giant slotted spoon - which I can use to make him deep fried pickles. Something we ate once at a restaurant. I found the recipe and made them one night (they are tasty. I'm not normally a pickle fan, but these are really good).
Friday - We went on a date to a restaurant up the canyon - which I'd never been too. He kept telling me that we needed to find an electrical outlet. I had no idea why. I later found out it was because he had a microwave in his trunk. Yep. I know. We eventually found a gas station that had a microwave. He went in and popped microwave popcorn. He bought some drinks and gave me some candy. We drove further up the canyon, he told me we were going to the drive in. I thought okay. He found a place to pull off the side of the road and he pulled out his ipod. He had loaded several movies on earlier in the day. I picked A-Team. Thank you Bradley Cooper. One of my favorite movies. I will say about halfway through the movie went out and there was a brief (or not so brief) intermission. It was a really creative date night. I have to give Patrick lots of points for his thoughtfulness and creativity this week.
Saturday - he gave me the pasta attachments for my Kitchen Aid - which I have been wanting, but I hadn't purchased yet. He also surprised me with tickets to a concert - where Laverne had a bunch of friends waiting. It was such a fun night and the band sang Happy Birthday to me. I got to River Dance with the band and I loved having so many friends there.
Sunday - we had a BBQ that Laverne planned - lots of friends followed by a fireside - where we got to eat Cotton Candy, Popcorn and Cake Pops.
This has been my best birthday ever! I really appreciate all the hard work and planning by Laverne. She went above and beyond this year. Her birthday gift to me was so amazing. It's a charm bracelet with my kids name, Korean symbols, and a fortune cookie. It is beautiful and so special to me. So a huge THANK YOU to Laverne. I can't believe how lucky I am to have a great friend like you. I know that I would be lost without you! You are the best!
Shirley
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