Funny Timing

Cody and I are now friends on FaceBook. While checking out his pics (those boys in CA definitely enjoy a good bachelor life...I can see why there is no urgency to seriously date), I noticed a picture of him and Ben. After clicking on that, I ended up on Ben's page. One of the top posts was Ben "checking in" at Peter's Place the Sunday night we were there (Peter's Place is their friend's house). Those of you who use this application know you can tag friends who are also with you. Ben did this, listing Cody as one of the guys hanging out with him.

Why is this significant?

Donald's call was to Cody on Sunday night.

How does this affect me?

Well, I can only imagine the conversation these guys had after Cody received the call, since both Ben and Peter received the same call almost a year before. Awkward? Desperate Looking? Lucky Him? Tag, You're it? Lottery Winner? I'm not sure what was discussed, if anything, but kind of funny to consider. I may be giving it too much credit (they may not have even thought it significant to discuss). However, I do know that the restaurant we went to was a recommend by Peter, which can only mean it was discussed at some point, however brief.

To Cody's credit, whatever was said (hopefully all good), it didn't stop him from calling and going out Friday. I guess I'll just leave it at that. And accept the fact that "awkward" really is my middle name.

Laverne

California Adventure - 2011

Shirley and I braved a Disney trip last week all on our own. Just picture 1 car, 2 moms, and 5 kids loaded for a week in the CA sun! Needless to say, we made it. And we had a blast doing it. There were the expected child challenges (see family blogs for details), but we had a great time proving to ourselves we could do it and would not let circumstances slow us down. We're already talking about the next "family" trip! Oh, and should I admit we stopped for frozen yogurt daily? Sometimes twice a day?

Visiting CA also gave us the opportunity to visit with Donald & Ivana. We love catching up with them, sharing the latest stories, and being introduced to more great guys from their mid-singles ward. Sunday we attended church with them and had a chance to visit with Josh, Ben and a few other familiar faces from last year. I actually ran into Ben in Dec (he was in UT visiting family and attended the mid-singles ward we also attended that week), and as before, he was very friendly and gave me a big hug. There are no expectations there, but I'll still admit he has a great smile.

Josh actually sat with us and helped referee kids on Sunday. He also came to Disneyland during one of our visits that week. He is great with the kids (very similar to Rick, Roger & Chuck) and we really enjoy having him around. Unfortunately, he is not someone either of us is interested in beyond friendship. He is another topic Shirley and I have exhausted, but there is just something missing. He did show interest in Shirley last summer, but she quickly built the "friend box" around their conversations and he has been great about accepting things as they are. We've since enjoyed talking to him about his dates and have helped encouraged him as he works to meet and date new girls also.

Is it strange to have our little collection of "guy friends"? These relationships will obviously have to change if we remarry, but are they ok for now? Can we call this practice? Or, is it playing with fire? If we're all adults and communicate clearly, can we just enjoy our current situation without over analyzing? Are we (mom's with kids) a good influence on these guys who seemed too scared to make a move? Do I need those new red shoes on endless.com? All important questions Shirley and I keep asking ourselves.

The trip ended with a date. Yes, Donald & Ivana worked their magic again. Cody is someone they mentioned last year, but he was out of town during the conference. So, this year he gave Cody a call while we were visiting on Sunday and mentioned I was in town. I can only imagine how I'm described to these guys, but I wholeheartedly trust Donald to have this type of conversation. He mentioned that we would be able to get a sitter on Friday, and if he (Cody) was free, a night out with us might be fun.

As with last year, I am amazed at how great these CA guys are at responding to this type of situation. Cody told Donald that he would make Friday happen and that he would give me a call. He did just that, and we had a fun conversation planning for Friday. Things evolved once we realized a lot of people would be out of town for the holiday weekend, so it ended up being Cody and I doubling with Shirley and Josh. (Cody and Josh are friends who run in the same circles too.)

Cody was cute and had a great personality. We both work in the same profession so we had a lot of things in common there, and easily talked about all the usual topics you start with on a first date. He was a gentleman and paid for both my dinner (we ate at a really great seafood place on the peninsula) and yogurt. Is it funny that we ended up at Yogurtland? (Reminder: Yogurt date with Ben was at Yogurtland last year.) We weren't sure how this would be handled because Josh & Shirley weren't officially on a date, and we didn't want Josh to feel like he had to pay. To Josh's credit, he handled it just as a gentleman should and took care of Shirley too.

Overall it was a fun night and a great way to end the trip. Trying to "live with confidence" I decided I would just use an "open line" like we learned from The Dating Coach at the end of the night, and make the most of this practice situation. (Normally I go with the "awkward" approach, but decided to attempt "less awkward" this time.) 

When we got back to our hotel we all got out of the car to say good night. Cody then gave me a big hug, and actually lingered longer than expected. Without creating expectations, he said he had my number and I said he was welcome to use it the next time he was in UT (his parents and siblings live here). Not being sure how else to handle it, I figured positive and wide open was the best option.

Donald asked if there was any chemistry and I wasn't sure how to answer that. We were very comfortable with each other and definitely had a good time, but I can't say there were big fireworks. However, should there be? If we went out a second time and were alone (without our wingmen) would we have a more intimate conversation/experience? I don't know that he will ever call again, but if so, I would have to say yes and see how a second date fit with us. If not, he will be fun to see again next time we're in CA as another friend...and who knows? This networking thing definitely has its benefits too!

Laverne

Addendum to "Sold" post

One additional side note that is important to add - Ben's brother was at this event! 

I noticed a guy walk in who looked very familiar, but could not place him. He then left and I didn't think much more about it. Then, just as we were getting ready to leave, this guy walked back into the building and was talking to mutual friends. We were then introduced, and as soon as I heard his name, I just laughed. He actually looks a lot like Ben (a little taller, same hair style) which is why I found him familiar. Or, it may be because I have checked out some of Ben's FB pics once or twice, many which include his brothers. Who's to say?

It was fun to talk for a few minutes and I mentioned that I knew his younger brother. Ben's brother lives in the mid-west and just happened to be in town for a couple of weddings and came tonight to see friends who he had attended college with. What a small world.

Laverne

Sold...to the Highest Bidder!

Laverne and I have been...well a little MIA. I am on a boy break and Laverne is busy running her super successful advertising company. We were both asked to help out with a charity auction. We both thought it was not going to go very well. They were a little unorganized, but somehow it came together. The auctioneer really got the audience to think about the reason they were there and ended up raising quite a bit of money.

Part way through the auction our committee chair person came over and said to me the guys are upset that we aren't auctioning off a girl. Earlier in the night a guy was auctioned off - he volunteered. I told her to go ahead what a great idea. She looked at me and said - not me, you. Ahhh! Huh? Yeah. I don't think so. She persisted and made me feel bad by saying it's for charity. I know, I replied. Fine.

Great. I should have said no, but it was for charity and so up I went. I seriously was worried that people wouldn't bid. It was super embarrassing. There were three guys that were bidding seriously and then one dropped out and then it was just two - I was finally sold to the highest bidder. Guess who it was...wait for it...Patrick. Yep. That Patrick. I was grateful he was there to bid on me, but I realized that I don't have any residual feelings for him. Which is good. I know that we can be friends. I didn't get the feeling that he was doing anything other than being nice.

It was a fun night that ended up with Laverne and I going to a house party - we were late and missed the open mic part. We met some of Patrick's friends and then ending up at McDonald's hanging out in the parking lot. I know. McDonald's parking lot. We were there for so long that they turned the outside lights off on us. I think it might have been their way of saying GO HOME! or don't hang out in our parking lot.

Reading that back looks as strange as it was. Patrick and four other guys (one who was really cute and seemed kind of interesting, not that we'll ever see him again), and Laverne and I. Good odds for us. But really strange night.

Shirley

I Just Had a Major Cleansing...It's Long Over Due!

Okay, not that kind of cleansing - although after all the junk I ate over the holiday, I could use it. No, I have officially purged all boys from my life. Meaning Henry and Patrick.

Patrick and I just sort of faded out of each other's lives. It worked for us, but me being me and not being able to just walk away without officially stating for the record that it was over and also leaving him feeling good about himself; I sent an email via Facebook. I told him that I think he is a great guy and I was glad for the opportunity I had to get to know him better. I finished with an open invite for food and games (namely chess or scrabble). Patrick replied with I think you're great too. I didn't want to do the fade out either. I plan on being hungry and wanting to play chess tomorrow. Can I call you? I told him sure. I thought one last hurrah! He came over and we ate dinner (probably one of my better meals - only because it looked as good as it tasted). We played chess - I NEVER win, so imagine my surprise and delight when I kicked his butt! It was the best way to end a relationship for sure.

Henry...I have been going in circles ever since the phone call out of the blue and the subsequent calls about how to melt chocolate, etc. I thought maybe he was trying to recycle into my life. Then maybe not, then yes, then no. It's really annoying to me and to my friends, I'm sure all the conversations we've had about this. I admit that idea really appealed to me. However, as I continued to think back on my dating experience with Henry and thought more about what I really want from the guy I am dating; I kept coming to the realization that the two things don't align with him. I had such a hard time coming to the conclusion because Henry has a couple really big things going for him. First, he is fully grounded in the gospel. This is HUGE for me. I need to know that I can trust the guy I am with and I felt confident that he could be trusted. That he would live the kind of life that could be trusted. Second, he was fun to be with and was really knowledgeable about lots of things that I'm not. I love a smart guy. Finally, the guy could sing. Which is totally dreamy. And he can play the guitar and the piano. Yeah. *Sigh* I know. After all that though and a few trips to the temple. The feeling came that it was time to let go. It has been easier to really let go this time. I think I needed all of this to be completely sure. So for that I am thankful.

I have decided to take a little boy break. I'm not putting a time limit on it. I just know that a little break will be good. I am, however, continuing to push Laverne into being more bold, daring and flirty with guys. I think it's starting to come back to her. Just like riding a bike. She's a little rusty, but quickly gaining confidence and speed. I am so excited to watch her go! She is someone I truly admire and look to for many things. It's nice to see her recognize all the beauty and sheer amazingness she has to offer.

I had a friend tell me the other day that 2011 is supposed to be my year - the year of the Rabbit. Lots of good luck and good things are supposed to be coming my way. I am looking forward to the new year and whatever it brings!

Shirley

I ♥ Henry's Dad

Henry's dad gave me his number at the fireside to help me with some questions about my mom's temple work. I ran into a little snag and actually called him. He was so nice about everything and said he was so glad that I called. He then said just between you and me - it was really nice to see you last night. I really wish that I got to see you more often. He then asked how I felt about his son. Then he said, "I'm not trying to stick my nose in, but..." I told him that I think Henry is amazing, but he broke up with me not the other way around. Then Henry's dad said, "well...you never know how things will end up." So true.

I have zero expectations from Henry. It was really nice to know that his dad clearly likes me. Which is a little surprising since we didn't spend that much time together. I think Henry is lucky to have such a great family. His dad is awesome. He asked me to call him back to let him know how I get my mom's work resolved. I think I will.

Shirley

My First Attempt at Living Confidently

Rick and I went to a regional mid-singles fireside on Sunday. Because Shirley was down south getting "closure" with Henry (until the next time he calls...right? I'll save that for another post) it was just us two. Even though Rick can be described as a security blanket, I was on my own and absolved of my "wing man" position - a place I comfortably hide behind.

That said, I wish Shirley could have been there. She would have been so proud. First, I sat with a guy from our institute class who before I had just spoken to a few times (Rick was on the stand helping with the program). Second, as soon as it was over, I started talking to a guy from the isle over, who introduced me to another guy (we talked for a while), who then walked me over to another group of friends...and on it goes. I kind of went from guy to guy for over an hour and a half. I talked. I smiled. I received a number of compliments (which always helps) and tried to talk about anything but work (my safe zone which puts me in business mode - which Shirley keeps telling me I need to break from in social situations). Admittedly, many were guys I knew or had met before, but there were a few new ones in the group too. It's a start, right?

At intervals through the night poor Rick would come stand by me, wonder if I was almost done, then walk off again. It ended with him finally just sitting between me and a new guy as we discussed the challenges of dating someone who lives an hour away (apparently if you live "far south" getting past the big city is too much trouble). However, before finally saying good night, the new guy did make sure he knew my last name so he could friend me on FB the next day (which he did).

I'm still trying to figure out my "flirt" mode (I don't giggle, and I like sarcasm), but I know I can do better. I had it down in college, but this stage of life just feels so different. Fortunately Shirley is very patient with me and my biggest cheerleader. I don't know what I would do without her. Even though she wasn't there physically, I could still picture her on my shoulder saying "Just go for it!"

Hopefully this New Year will bring more posts where I can say I finally started to do just that.

Laverne