I Just Had a Major Cleansing...It's Long Over Due!

Okay, not that kind of cleansing - although after all the junk I ate over the holiday, I could use it. No, I have officially purged all boys from my life. Meaning Henry and Patrick.

Patrick and I just sort of faded out of each other's lives. It worked for us, but me being me and not being able to just walk away without officially stating for the record that it was over and also leaving him feeling good about himself; I sent an email via Facebook. I told him that I think he is a great guy and I was glad for the opportunity I had to get to know him better. I finished with an open invite for food and games (namely chess or scrabble). Patrick replied with I think you're great too. I didn't want to do the fade out either. I plan on being hungry and wanting to play chess tomorrow. Can I call you? I told him sure. I thought one last hurrah! He came over and we ate dinner (probably one of my better meals - only because it looked as good as it tasted). We played chess - I NEVER win, so imagine my surprise and delight when I kicked his butt! It was the best way to end a relationship for sure.

Henry...I have been going in circles ever since the phone call out of the blue and the subsequent calls about how to melt chocolate, etc. I thought maybe he was trying to recycle into my life. Then maybe not, then yes, then no. It's really annoying to me and to my friends, I'm sure all the conversations we've had about this. I admit that idea really appealed to me. However, as I continued to think back on my dating experience with Henry and thought more about what I really want from the guy I am dating; I kept coming to the realization that the two things don't align with him. I had such a hard time coming to the conclusion because Henry has a couple really big things going for him. First, he is fully grounded in the gospel. This is HUGE for me. I need to know that I can trust the guy I am with and I felt confident that he could be trusted. That he would live the kind of life that could be trusted. Second, he was fun to be with and was really knowledgeable about lots of things that I'm not. I love a smart guy. Finally, the guy could sing. Which is totally dreamy. And he can play the guitar and the piano. Yeah. *Sigh* I know. After all that though and a few trips to the temple. The feeling came that it was time to let go. It has been easier to really let go this time. I think I needed all of this to be completely sure. So for that I am thankful.

I have decided to take a little boy break. I'm not putting a time limit on it. I just know that a little break will be good. I am, however, continuing to push Laverne into being more bold, daring and flirty with guys. I think it's starting to come back to her. Just like riding a bike. She's a little rusty, but quickly gaining confidence and speed. I am so excited to watch her go! She is someone I truly admire and look to for many things. It's nice to see her recognize all the beauty and sheer amazingness she has to offer.

I had a friend tell me the other day that 2011 is supposed to be my year - the year of the Rabbit. Lots of good luck and good things are supposed to be coming my way. I am looking forward to the new year and whatever it brings!

Shirley

I ♥ Henry's Dad

Henry's dad gave me his number at the fireside to help me with some questions about my mom's temple work. I ran into a little snag and actually called him. He was so nice about everything and said he was so glad that I called. He then said just between you and me - it was really nice to see you last night. I really wish that I got to see you more often. He then asked how I felt about his son. Then he said, "I'm not trying to stick my nose in, but..." I told him that I think Henry is amazing, but he broke up with me not the other way around. Then Henry's dad said, "well...you never know how things will end up." So true.

I have zero expectations from Henry. It was really nice to know that his dad clearly likes me. Which is a little surprising since we didn't spend that much time together. I think Henry is lucky to have such a great family. His dad is awesome. He asked me to call him back to let him know how I get my mom's work resolved. I think I will.

Shirley

My First Attempt at Living Confidently

Rick and I went to a regional mid-singles fireside on Sunday. Because Shirley was down south getting "closure" with Henry (until the next time he calls...right? I'll save that for another post) it was just us two. Even though Rick can be described as a security blanket, I was on my own and absolved of my "wing man" position - a place I comfortably hide behind.

That said, I wish Shirley could have been there. She would have been so proud. First, I sat with a guy from our institute class who before I had just spoken to a few times (Rick was on the stand helping with the program). Second, as soon as it was over, I started talking to a guy from the isle over, who introduced me to another guy (we talked for a while), who then walked me over to another group of friends...and on it goes. I kind of went from guy to guy for over an hour and a half. I talked. I smiled. I received a number of compliments (which always helps) and tried to talk about anything but work (my safe zone which puts me in business mode - which Shirley keeps telling me I need to break from in social situations). Admittedly, many were guys I knew or had met before, but there were a few new ones in the group too. It's a start, right?

At intervals through the night poor Rick would come stand by me, wonder if I was almost done, then walk off again. It ended with him finally just sitting between me and a new guy as we discussed the challenges of dating someone who lives an hour away (apparently if you live "far south" getting past the big city is too much trouble). However, before finally saying good night, the new guy did make sure he knew my last name so he could friend me on FB the next day (which he did).

I'm still trying to figure out my "flirt" mode (I don't giggle, and I like sarcasm), but I know I can do better. I had it down in college, but this stage of life just feels so different. Fortunately Shirley is very patient with me and my biggest cheerleader. I don't know what I would do without her. Even though she wasn't there physically, I could still picture her on my shoulder saying "Just go for it!"

Hopefully this New Year will bring more posts where I can say I finally started to do just that.

Laverne

Requested Rick Explanation

This is for my friend "C" who lives up north...

Yes, those pics include our friend Rick. Yes, he is way cute. Yes, we love being with him. No, there isn't any chemistry there. None. And I can tell you this because BOTH Shirley and I tested those lips. Here's the dirt:

At the New Year's party last year Rick laid one on me. I was totally taken back, and admit to laughing through some of it, but remember thinking that was fun in a "hey buddy" kind of way. He is so easy to be around and we jokingly flirt a lot, but that is easy to do because there really is nothing more there than friendship. Is it weird to say he is kind of like a brother after just admitting kissing him?

I will admit that Shirley and I have had this discussion a number of times, asking the question "why can't one of us like him that way?" Neither one of us has come up with an answer. We've also debated (still ongoing) what the best start for a relationship is - being a friend or a boyfriend. Either way, you definitely need chemistry, right?  I will say that hanging with Rick has been a big help in getting me comfortable with being around guys as a single person again. Plus, he is fun to look at.

As mentioned, we flirt with Rick a lot. Lately it has increased a bit between Rick and Shirley, where he was threatening to kiss her. Being tired of the "cry wolf" approach from Rick, Shirley took him up on his last threat and actually locked lips with him. I'll let her add details if she would like, but needless to say, it will never happen again.

If anything changes, we'll make sure to post it here. For now, does it help you to know that he and I have promised to marry each other if we're both still single when we turn 40? And yes, a pinkie pledge may have been involved in that agreement.

Laverne

Christmas Fireside

I went to dinner at my friends house last night. She lives out by Henry, who happened to be doing a fireside at the same church where I kissed him on the cheek (if you'd like to re-live that horribly embarrassing moment click here). I think I had resolved to go a while ago, but kept changing my mind for the last couple of weeks. I would think go and then don't do it and then go and then don't. I am happy that I went. I finally feel like I got the closure that I needed and feel better about everything.

The evening went something like this...I left late from my friends house, got lost and arrived 15 minutes late to the fireside. I so hate being late. I feel all frazzled and I don't like that. Henry was already playing. I thought this was a good thing because I figured I could sneak in and sneak out. Which was my original plan...mostly. After it was over. I was getting ready to leave when a girl came up to me and said Hi. I met her last time and Henry were at that church and had ice cream at her house. I really liked her and thought she was so nice for coming to say Hi. She and I talked for a while and she is the kind of girl that I would be friends with. She said let's go say Hi to Henry. I really just wanted to leave at that point, but she said you drove all this way, let's at least say Hi. Can't argue with that. More on this in a minute...

Henry's dad and step mom were up front waiting to talk to Henry as well. They both remembered me and asked me questions about the kids and my Christmas plans. They were both so sweet and it reminded me how much I really love Henry's family. Since Henry's dad is in the temple presidency, I asked him a question about sealing my mom to her parents. I have a complicated family tree. He was so awesome to answer all the questions I had and then he even gave me his phone number so I could call him to get more help. He kept saying call me and I will talk you through it. So funny. As he was leaving he said to me - it's REALLY nice seeing you here. It's REALLY nice seeing you again. I'm glad that Henry's dad liked me.

Henry and I talked a little after the fireside. He said that he was trying to find me a present the other day. Apparently last year he found chocolate potato chips and thought I would enjoy them. Because two of my favorite things are chocolate and potato chips. Sad but true. As he was walking me to my car, he said that his dad asks him all the time about me and how I'm doing. I asked him if he told him he broke up with me. He said yes, but he still asks anyway. Hahahaha!  Henry then gave me three hugs and kept saying that he was glad to see me. Then he said if you don't have plans over Christmas give me a call and we can go do something, like go to a concert. Huh? I wished I would have said if you are serious, give me a call and we'll see if we can coordinate. I didn't.

It was a good to see him and I feel better about it. It's almost like I can stop wondering and feel like I finally have closure as I said before. It was a great fireside and it does make me feel good knowing his family really liked me.

Shirley

Live Confidently

Laverne and I have adopted a new motto...we are trying to embrace this motto now, but have promised each other that beginning 2011 this is how we will live. LIVE CONFIDENTLY!

I love the simplicity of this statement, yet the meaning is anything but. To me living confidently will be living with faith not fear, understanding my identity is complete as I am now, learning to THINK things through rather than FEEL them through.

To catch you up on my dates...Aussie was fun. He left though and I'm not sure if he will be back or when he will return. Thanks to facebook, I do think we will keep in touch.

The younger guy was nice. He was pleasant, courtesy, funny and sweet. I had a good night out - it didn't end with me crying in the bathroom so that's good. He asked me out again and to be honest...I could take him or leave him. However, in the spirit of giving people a second chance and also giving myself the opportunity to try again, I said yes. We'll see. I know it will be fun and nice, but not sure if there's anything else.

Henry...well? What can I say? He called me again. He was supposed to stop by, but was running late (not really surprising). He sent me a Thanksgiving Day message and he has invited me to a couple of his Christmas shows. Again? I don't know what to say. Other than we'll see what happens.

Patrick...I think I need to break up. I just don't know how. I am conflicted and I wish there was another way. I think that we need a break and maybe he and I will recycle into each other's lives again - someday? Not really sure if that's his style, but I think a little time and distance for us will make things more clear. He clearly demonstrated his interest in me and was really attentive and fun and we had a really good time together - however, all good things must come to an end. I can't date him exclusively and knowing he is dating other girls is really hard. Now I have to figure out how to say I like you, but I can't date you right now. It's not you it's me. The timing isn't right? Or something equally lame. Wish me luck.

The best news of this whole thing however, is I think Shirley is finally convinced that she needs to be a little more flirty. I have challenged her to step (baby steps) a little out side her wall of armor, shed a little piece of the armor and try her charm on someone safe. I am hoping that she is serious about this experiment. I think it's time. More importantly I think she knows it's time. Wish her luck too! She is amazing - she just needs to own it now!

Shirley

Birthday Update...Three Dates - Three Days!

Aussie called and asked me out, again...because I may have sent him a message saying he needed to collect his prize from Laverne's party (more on that later). The younger guy from church that I met recently asked me out as well. And finally Patrick asked me to go out on Saturday. It's a busy week of dating. Which is going to be fun, I think? Henry called me a couple days ago to ask me a baking question. One that everyone I have talked to said he could have googled the answer to, asked someone else (his sister), or should have just known already (thank you, Laverne). It may be a thinly veiled attempt to find a legitimate reason to call me. I'm trying not to wonder what it means, if anything, but it is difficult not to. I guess with Henry we will see what his intent is...by the year 2012, hopefully, sometime? Aussie is headed back to his homeland, so nothing going to happen there. The younger guy, I'm guessing, is not a love connection for either of us. Patrick...I like him, but know that I cannot date him seriously right now. I wish I could though.

Patrick and I have a great connection, he is fun, charming, easy to be with and talk to. I have been able to communicate more openly with him than many others and we have great chemistry together (sometimes a little too much chemistry). I am trying to make some decisions about him. I like what we are doing, but it does have some draw backs. We are both dating other people. When I hear that he has other dates - it's like a punch in the gut. I hate that feeling. I know that not getting serious with him is the right answer for now, but I feel like there needs to be a destination with this. Right now it feels like we are just dating with no purpose. I think I am too old to date without purpose. Although, maybe I am learning how to wait for the answers to come and having time learning how to communicate better with guys. Both good things, for now.

Henry...I feel like I need a do-over. I know that I was a ball of anxiety and nerves dating him. I continued to be surprised that he would ask me out again. To be honest, it was surprising, not because I'm not fun to be with, more because of the way I was around him. Which is not myself. I am usually fun and lively, but I would get tongue tied and totally nervous. I have to say there was a lot of hype and build up about Henry and finally meeting him was a big deal. I forgot to relax and be myself. I would like to see what it is to date Henry when I am more truly at ease. I think it would be an entirely different dating experience. The good thing about Henry is he is the kind of guy that you could trust 100%. I need a guy like that in my life. His spiritual side is the biggest attraction for me. I don't know if he is right for me, but I would like the chance to try again. However, my situation hasn't changed and so if he still is not ready for my life then there is no point in going on another date with him.

Aussie...I think he is really interesting. I don't know him very well, but I like what I know about him so far. He will be coming back sometime next year, and we are friends on Facebook, so I guess we'll see what happens with him. I am looking forward to our date this week. I like second dates better than first dates. They feel a little more comfortable for some reason.

Now...Laverne's birthday! I had so much fun. Laverne is one of those girls that doesn't need to be the center of attention, but she certainly comfortable being there. It's one of those qualities that I love about her. We had a week long celebration. The highlights for me were - the show we went to (just the two of us), Sushi and more sushi, especially the special roll the chefs created just for her. The party, friends that joined us and watching Laverne getting kissed by every guy that came. I have photographic proof of this too! Having people pick a song that reminded them of Sara - best one, hands down...Love Shack, B-52's. Forcing everyone to watch the DVD of Laverne's life and seeing everyone realize how amazing and inspiring Laverne is. I've said it many times before, but Laverne is quite the example to me. She has accomplished so much in her short life. She is beautiful, poised, sarcastic, witty, honest, strong and faithful. To quote a line from the song I chose to describe her this year...I know when I compliment her, she won't believe me. It's so sad she don't see what I see. You're amazing - Just the way you are! Happy Birthday, Laverne!