I'm so SMART said the man on the phone

A quick update: My friend from church asked if she could give my number to her cousin. I thought - why not? He called and was super funny on the phone. He has the kind of humor that reminds me of Laverne and I love Laverne's humor. He asked me out for today so I should have another post up tomorrow.

Getting to the title and point of this post. Last night Laverne, Rick and I were out and I received an unknown call. The guy left a message that I really wish I could post here. It was something spectacular. I called him back and here's a brief summary of the interesting call.

Shirley: Hello? Hi this is Shirley returning your phone call.

Guy: Hi. A friend gave me your number from the Stake and said that you know what is going on for activities. He seemed to think that you could help me so I don't go to activities that I'm not really interested in.

S: Oh, yes. I can help you with that. What kinds of activities have you gone to? Mid singles or single adult?

G: I gone to both, but due to my age, I'm 54 but I look 32. I really take care of myself. I work out all the time. Most of the midsingles don't want to talk to me after they find out how old I am and the single adult activities consist of people in their 70s or 80s. I just don't fit in anywhere.

S: I see, well, there are activities that I know of that I can send to you. Are you on facebook? Do you have an email where I can send some information? (I sound like a telemarketer)

G: I do have internet, but at my work. I am a teacher. I only work eight months out of the year, but get paid for 12. (Yes. He really did say that). I think it is a waste of money to have internet at home when I have it at work. It would be really inconvenient for me to get emails because I would have to go to the library or figure something else out.

S: Oh. You're a teacher, that's great.

G: Yes. I teach the gifted kids. You see, I am really smart. I took a test and scored higher than anyone in the state. Actually, I scored in the top percentile in the nation. I am really smart and I like to work out so I look really young. I keep myself in shape. I have a really hard time relating to stupid people and I've found that most people are stupid. (Yes. This is an exact quote.)

S: Oh. Ok. Well. I have a few firesides that are coming up that you might like.

G: Yes. I would be okay in a fireside type setting or a dance, but I don't want to go to any volleyball games or concerts. I don't like those types of social settings. I am really smart and like intellectual things and exercising rather than trying to get to know someone with 300 other people around. I just can't talk to stupid people. I don't really even know why I called you. My friend just thought it would be a good idea. He told me to so here I am calling you. I don't do very well in social settings. I live alone and I've never been married (how is this even possible you 32 year old looking, SUPER smart, well maintained man? Kind of hard to believe).

S: Let me look into some activities for you and I will get back to you. Okay.

G: That would be fine, you can call anytime. I have the summer off, but get paid for the whole year. I don't know what it is about this economy but people are either rich or poor. There just doesn't seem to be any middle class people anymore. I just went to my high school reunion and it was so nice to be with people my age. I investigated the social statistics for the birth rate the year I was born and found that there just wasn't a lot of people born the year I was. That's why it's so hard to meet people my own age.

S: Huh. Good to know.

G: Well yes. Call anytime. Did you know that I am smart and I would really like to talk to someone that is my intellectual equal. You know? (I may be slightly exaggerating this line, but it really is the only one.)

S: I will get back to you. Good-bye.

I can't count how many times he mentioned how smart he is, how he looks younger than he is, how he loathes stupid people and thinks that most people in this world are stupid (you offended yet?), how he gets paid for working for only eight months of the year. I really can't imagine why and how this man could still be single after 54 years of glorious living on this earth.

Welcome to my new life. Aren't you glad it's not yours?

Shirley